Questions To Ask Your Crush - AND, SWIPE RIGHT Featured In Cosmopolitan
AND, SWIPE RIGHT’s dating advice is featured in Cosmopolitan
Did you see we were featured in the Cosmopolitan article,
20 Questions To Ask Your Crush?
Online Dating Coach, founder of AND, SWIPE RIGHT and Host of Dating Hotline Podcast - Chloé Miller provides the Top 20 questions to ask your crush
All of Chloé’s responses come from the position of providing value in someone's life, AND, SWIPE RIGHT coaches high-value dating. In other words, for our female clients, Chloé advises them to do some investigative work into who her crush is and then provide value appropriate for the stage & investment level. You'll see this thinking reflected in her questions and responses.
When you're at the crush stage - you want to focus on your commonalities and continually search for more. That is what your bond is founded upon, strengthen the roots for higher chances at future success. At this point, it's all about getting to know him on a deeper level through carefully worded questions that are delivered with grace and composure. In other words, you want to tease with an interesting question but word it carefully to effectively get the response you're looking for.
What’s Your Love Language?
Learning your crush’s love languages provides the opportunity for you to connect on a deeper level without emotionally exposing yourself too soon. This is how people have those "they just get me" clicking relationships. In other words, communicating in the other person's "language" makes them feel seen, heard, and emotionally validated. It's flattering, it deepens your bond, and because it's enjoyed, he'll be back for more. Also, this gives you insight into how that person shows up in a relationship that can make you look like a pro-girlfriend!
What do you do to relax?
We all unwind in different ways and sometimes this relaxation technique is a multiple-person activity like yoga or meditation. This is a new commonality and potentially an activity you could do on a date. But if you're not at the date stage, suggest "going together" to plant the date seed in his head. Say something like "Maybe we could catch a class together sometime…." You want to plant the seed and then water it with the occasional reminder of how much fun it would be to do the activity together. He’ll pick up on this, if not the first time, then definitely the more times you mention it.
What’s a typical Saturday for you?
Understanding what type of person your crush is outside of the context you know each other is important to gain deeper insight into who the person is. We are all dynamic people and many of us are doing plenty of things at one time. This provides new areas for your conversations and you never know when you'll find a topic that's close to someone's heart. Plus, it gives you insight into how he spends his free time - is that something you're into as well or is that a future-boyfriend deal breaker?
When it comes to priorities like work, life, family, and friends, how does each rank in comparison to the others?
This question helps you figure out who he is and what's important to him. For some people, this would be a reason to downgrade a crush to the friend zone before a first date. But if you two have commonalities, bring these up in conversation and emphasize your values and how important each is to you. Values are great to bond over as it defines a person's character. And for some people, this could be a major green light because you align on long-term values, things that won’t change over time.
How would you spend an ideal fake sick day?
This is a great question to bring up because then you get to hear what he values - above everything else, this is what he wants to do. This is his passion, when you figure this out you can learn more about this person and this provides more opportunities for you two to "plan you fake sick day" together. You could say something like "You know, I was thinking about our conversation from the other day - you know our "ideal fake sick day" - and I've decided I'm adding a Fried Chicken chicken crawl to my fake sick day...just add it to the list...." and wait for his response. If you bring up fun ideas it's a new bonding point for you two and the conversation just keeps getting better.
Are you a dog or a cat person?
This is a surprisingly polarizing question and it's good to have an opinion. Many people are firm in their support of this and this is a great opportunity for you to bond with your crush. It's an innocent topic but you can build so many conversations from something like this. Funny memes, cute videos, heartwarming stories...the point here is to bond on something that keeps you two chatting IRL and online.
And, because you know us, we always deliver more than we say we will, here are some bonus Qs to ask:
What's your opinion on kids?
This is something you want to find out as early as possible as it could spare you time in the long run, depending on the answer. For many people having a family and kids is non-negotiable. We recommend scooping out this answer carefully and tactfully with around the bout questions and personal stories. In other words, carefully word your question to measure his response. For example, share a sweet story of you "playing with your nieces and nephews" or "this one time I was babysitting..." and wait to see his reaction. Men usually have very clear feelings on children and it's best to figure it out as soon as possible. This technique is so smooth, he'll never see it coming and all you have to do is listen to his response. You can then follow up with "I know, children are so cute!" You're not asking him if he wants to have kids, you're simply gauging his feelings on children. If he doesn't like them, chances are he's not interested in having them either.
Where would you travel for a weekend getaway?
There's so much you can learn from someone when you ask open-ended questions like this one. Some people can tell you all the details down to the exact resort they want to stay at for their weekend getaway. Asking him about his dream allows the conversation to flow into a new area and you can start sharing your travel dreams. If played carefully, you can start flirting a little stronger by painting a picture of what a weekend away together would look like...