HRTBRKR: Selena Gomez - Lose You To Love Me Review
Lose You to Love Me // Selena Gomez
Our thoughts: STRAIGHT FIRE FEELS
Do yourself a favor and listen to this song with your headphones. Blast the song and feel these feels. SOOOOOO DEEEP and SO.MANY.EMOTIONS. Here’s our scoop on the most cathartic song of 2019. Hey Selena, thank you for sharing your pain so the rest of us could heal with you. We salute ya, sister.
Remember that relationship that defined you - the one that almost broke your spirit, the one that took every piece of you and still asked for more, the one that you gave a piece of your soul to and for that you vowed to never give that much of yourself to anyone else ever again. Yeah, that relationship and that break up that defined who you are as a person. That’s what we’re talking about here.
For me, it was a relationship with a man I thought had life long love potential. I was naive and thought love was simple, we said “I love you” and we meant it. My parents had shown me the power of long-lasting love and long-term commitment and I expected that in my own relationships. When I met this man, he was perfect on paper. He was good looking, with a great personality, we had plenty of chemistry, his friends already were friends with my friends, and our meet-cute was a great story (a total high-value woman moment that worked like a mf charm. Ask me about it!)
Things moved quickly and as things became more serious I committed deeper to the relationship. I started prioritizing my time with him over time with my friends and time for myself. As I stepped into higher expectations in our relationship, his expectations for me as his girlfriend (an extension of himself) increased. The deeply loyal person I am (hi, I’m a middle child) wants nothing more than to make the people I love happy so I conceded. I passed on dinners and drinks with girlfriends in favor for long weekends away with him. We were building a life and we were creating our world together.
Or so I thought we were doing it together.
“You promised the world and I fell for it, I put you first and you adored it.”
He made big promises and he kept them, he followed through on his word. But what I didn’t see was that these promises were slowly killing me because I was losing myself in loving him. When I agreed to his promises I was subsequently passing on time with things that made me happy. I believed him blindly and saw life through rose-colored glasses. I prioritized us over me and I put him as my number 1. In other words, I supported the vision of “our dream” over my own dreams.
My outlook on life is different - I take a holistic approach and I honor 3 entities within the body - the mind, the physical body, and the soul. We need to nourish each part of our body daily with different activities - food & exercise take care of the body, reading, learning, and problem-solving works the brain, but honoring our soul is the most important piece for harmony. When we are in harmony we are aligned with pure purposeful energy and our actions are guided by the hands of the universe. Inversely, when we lose touch with our soul and starve her of nourishment, we lose touch with our intuition and our inner guiding system. We get swept up in things that are not real, ideas and dreams that are not reality, and more importantly, we easily lose ourselves in relationships. We commit so deeply to the other person that we neglect ourselves in the process. Prolonged neglect can lead to very serious mental health issues, for example, habit-forming negative self-talk, hyper-critical thinking and self-judgment, anxiety and in some cases depression.
Keep your wold woman wild. She must always have room to live and play but space to use her voice. This relationship demanded so much of me that my wild woman was silenced, closeted, and banished to the basement corner locked away to never see the light of day. I had to fight my way out of that locked basement room and pull myself up out of that relationship just so that I could escape and start healing.
Selena talks about losing touch with her wild woman, not listening to her intuition and disregarding her purpose. The only way for her to heal from the pain she was in was to lose the person she was in love with. This song defines the definition of ending a toxic relationship. While painful and probably one of the toughest decisions in life, the only happy ending for a toxic relationship is to end it. A relationship should help you grow into the best version of yourself if you are anything but f*cking awesome together then you need to examine the quality of your relationship. The best way to combat a toxic environment is to remove yourself completely. Once you do, that’s when you allow yourself the opportunity to heal. **Power Move Tip: keep in mind everyone has good & bad days, we say “more good days than bad days” is healthy.*
“I needed to lose you to love me.”
I now look back on that girl, that version of me and I send her love and compassion. She was trying her best to make the right decisions with the information she had at that time. She was navigating mental warfare and made decisions without any idea of the consequences those actions had. “We’d always go into it blindly…this dance it was killing me softly.” Living life with him was all I knew but living with him was killing me. I had to choose myself, love myself, and heal myself. I had my own Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy) moment with myself: ME or WE. I chose myself and that’s a decision I’ve never once looked back upon. When you make yourself the priority you become a lot happier. I learned that I could not depend upon him to make myself happy. And more-so, that our relationship was the source of my unhappiness. I got out and started my healing journey - a journey I didn’t even know I was embarking on because there was still so much more to discover about that relationship. Getting out is the first step, healing is the next.
“And now the chapter is closed and done.”
All relationships ask us to step into them blindly, if we know there will be pain would we even proceed? We take the risk of pain with the hope that it’s few and far between the high, unforgettable, love-everlasting moments.
Let us know your thoughts - do you agree? Straight cut to the heart?
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- the AND, SWIPE RIGHT team
Please please please seek the emotional support you need especially when processing a break up. Big T or little t TRAUMA is trauma and a break up is traumatic. We support you and if you need resources - book an appointment with us. Alternatively, we can direct you to other resources that could be of assistance as well.