Ep 10: Sliding into your DMs
Dating Hotline, a podcast presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT
Dating Hotline
Ep. 11
Vacation Theory
SHOW NOTES
- DATING HOTLINE -
Ep 11: Vacation Theory
Host: Chloé Miller
Production: AND, SWIPE RIGHT
Show Music: Andrew Langdon
Transition Music: Nikolas Thorpe
“ Vacation Theory is a great opportunity for reflection and to see what expectations you have on your own dating life and what could happen if you wanted to let go of some of those expectations that are holding you back from finding love at home. This is something you can do by yourself if you just start noticing what attracted you to that person and what worked while you were in a miro-relationship. Every relationship we experience teaches us an helps us grow into more sophisticated people. Vacation Theory is like a kiddie pool for your love life. It helps you get your feet wet while safely exposing you to the simulation of a relationship. In other words, Vacation Theory supports personal growth, offers emotional healing, and provides great learning lessons if you take the time to reflect."
-Chloé Miller
Founder, & CEO of AND, SWIPE RIGHT
EPISODE DESCRIPTION
In the tenth episode of Dating Hotline presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - Chloé discusses Social Media and sliding into your DMs. Plus, she answers two popular dating questions: 1. How do I slide into her DMs? 2. Who follows who? And who sends the first meme?
LINKS
Netflix - Love Is Blind Trailer
The Second City’s - Improv Comedy Program
Cari Rogers - Heal Thy Self Website ll Tribe Healing Arts Website
Infared Pilates - Solarium Website
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TRANSCRIPT
Dating Hotline
Ep 10 - Sliding into your DMs
High-Value Compliments
Hi Dating Hotliners - Do you follow us on social media? AND, SWIPE RIGHT and Dating Hotline both have profiles on Facebook, Instagram Twitter, and LinkedIn. Look us up @ANDSWIPERIGHT and @DATIINGHOTLINEPODCAST - that’s @A-N-D-S-W-I-P-E-R-I-G-H-T AND @D-A-T-I-N-G-H-O-T-L-I-N-E-P-O-D-C-A-S-T. Go do it now, while you’re listening to this podcast, we’ll wait….ok, now did you like our Facebook page? Did you follow us on instagram? Yes, ok good. Because today we’re talking all about social media and sliding into your DMs.
SHOW MUSIC
Hellloooo and what’s up you guys? Welcome to the tenth (omg double digits) episode of Dating Hotline, this is your host, Chloé Miller. I have been so busy since I came back to Chicago and I couldn’t be more excited about all of this new energy! Some of the stuff I’m working on for you requires some listener feedback and listener involvement. If you would like to be a guest on our show please send us an email at info@datinghotline.com or contact us via AND, SWIPE RIGHT’s website. There’s some new things in the work and I’m so excited to share it with you!
Dating Hotline is presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - Chicago’s #1 full-service dating & relationship consultancy. Through services like Online Dating & Relationship Coaching, Image Consultanting, and creating Dating Profiles AND SWIPE RIGHT IS the only dating consultancy offering support throughout all stages of dating. AND, SWIPE RIGHT is setting the standard in online dating by empowering single men and women with high-value dating techniques.
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In today’s episode, we talk about dating on social media. Now there’s soooo much we can cover and we’re not going to be able to do it in just one episode so we’re only going to focus on your DMs. Your personal life’s mailbox.
But before we dive into that I told you last week we were going to recap the season finale of the Netflix experiment - Love Is Blind. Did you guys watch it? Spoiler alert and jump ahead 1 minute if you haven’t seen it, because I’m about to spill the tea. It’s currently #2 on the Top Ten list on Netflix so if you haven’t….you’re clearly missing out on something.
Wow, these Love Is Blind producers really wrote an insane contact with these individuals because it was obvious that each couple had to go through with the wedding and it wasn’t until the part where the couple exchanges vows did each person answer the question of yes love is blind or no it is not. Which is just cruel - you have everyone dressed up, your family and friends in the audience, and then you’re at the alter getting broken up with - this is basically a public break up, on a stage, and it’s sad. But there was one couple, in particular, that was especially interesting. Gianina and Damien. Damien has a handful of red flags along with the show but at the alter he says he can’t go through with this marriage because of Gianina’s wavering feelings throughout the experiment even though 2 moments earlier she had just said YES to love being blind.
This is where my jaw dropped.
No, no, no, no. Bro - stop manipulating the truth to become the victim. If you don’t want to marry her be honest about it and say that - don’t pretend like you’re doing her a favor becuase you think she’s not ready to get married so you’re making that decision for her. You guys, he literally mansplained his break up. But G definitely calls him out on it and that’s where it gets good. He blamed her for the break up of their relationship in public and then later when just the two of them were talking he tried to gaslight her and tell her that it didn’t happen. She handled that situation quite well and I was impressed with her ability to navigate his manipulation and psychological games so smoothly. Pay particular attention to this couple when your watching - ladies, this is a psychological attack from a man that G defends beautifully! Take notes.
All in all - the experiment failed. Of all the contestants who participated in the experiment, only 6 couples formed, and of those 6 couples, 5 of them broke up and only 1 got married. Supposedly there’s a reunion show happening which you know is going to be so good. I think the experiment has good intentions and I like that it created conversations around a new, alternative option to dating apps but the show’s timeline is unrealistic. But then again this is entertainment, not real love.
The rest of us are out here looking for love so let’s get right to it.
Dating Hotline Question 1 - How do I slide into her DMs?
The best way to do it is to slide in with something witty. Just like you would be sliding into someone’s dating profile after matching with them. I don’t want you to slide into someone’s DMs with “hi sexy.” “you’re beautiful”. That’s boring, I appreciate the compliment - I know that - but you’re a stranger and that’s A] not starting a conversation. B] Not going to get my attention, C] Honestly if she’s a pretty girl, she gets that a lot so it’s nothing new. You think you’re going to come in here and get your message to stand out from all the other guys who slid into her profile with the same boring opening line? Pretty girls have guys sliding into their DMs weekly. It happens ALL THE TIME. So you have to find a way to be DIFFERENT. I’ve been saying that this entire time - you guys know that this is what I want you to do. You have to find your angle, you have to figure out something worthwhile to say. If you’re going to slide into her DMs just like you would on a dating profile - SCROLL THROUGH HER PICTURES! If she’s a complete stranger, find something to talk about. Scroll through her pictures and use that as a starting point But let me be clear - because this is Instagram and NOT a dating platform - there’s a fine line between effort & a clever opener and a creepy comment that doesn’t get a response.
If you’re going years back on this girl profile - Stop that, don’t do that - that’s just creepy.
Keep this timeline rule in mind when scrolling through a hot girl’s Instagram profile and DO NOT to break it.
-Don’t start a conversation about something MORE than 3 months old. Anything that was posted in the past 3 months is fair game for conversation - but older than that, you have to wait until you know this person to bring it up. That falls into the digital stalking category and it’s a bit uncomfortable to field random stranger’s comment about how sexy I look in this picture of me on a boat that’s literally 2 years old….My advice - keep your conversation content current - plus, finding something recent means there’s room for the conversation to grow if you set up the conversation correctly.
But if you know her - slide into her DMs with a GREAT line. What’s an example of a great line? Say there’s a girl you know and you’ve been interested in her for some time but she’s always been in a relationship as long as you’ve known her. But, the other week she broke up with him and now you’re just finding out about this...This is what you say to get her attention
Pull up her Instagram page (granted this is only IF you don’t already have her number if you have her number - skip the DMs and just go straight to texting) but for if you don’t have her number -
Start a message to her and say “Word on the street is that you’ve got the best secret in town.” and then SEND ITTTTTT. She’ll come back and most likely respond because of A] you’ve started this conversation off with a bit of mystery and intrigue so you’ve caught her attention, and B] you’re complimenting her but she doesn’t fully know the compliment yet so she’s going to bite back to see what you’re talking about...this is a good teasing line - it grabs your attention, creates a bit of mystery and secrecy that only a select few people know this about her….so she’ll bite. And that’s when you say “That you’re single…..”
Boom yes, just like that. You’ve got a quick answer and now all of a sudden I’m responding to your DM. So that is how you angle your way in - you have to start with a question that is suggestive “Word on the street you have the best secret in town?” Yes, that would get my attention - it’s mysterious and complimentary- Ok what is that?! I’d be curious enough to say “ok I’ll take the bait, what’s the secret?” …”that you’re single”....guys it’s really as simple as being direct about what we want.
She’s talking to you, you’ve got her interest, and you have just created a conversation….
That right there will put a smile on a girl’s face. She’ll be like “omg ok yeah swoon ahhh (deep sigh)” It’s just one of those things...
This is why this is only appropriate for girls you know - you obviously can’t say this to a stranger...but if this is someone you know - and you know she’s been seeing someone else when they break up and you’re reaching out saying “hey, I think you’re really hot, this has been a long time coming but I knew you were dating someone…” that’s what you’re saying in that message. That is so complimentary to a girl - ahhh, haaa -that’s a deep sigh - it’s a good feeling so she’s going to respond to that.
You, on the other hand, made a strong first impression. Don’t waste any time, reach out when you want. We’ll talk about when to reach out at a later time but use your best judgment - I trust you guys have the emotional intelligence to know when she’s still processing her break up and when she’s ready to start seeing other people. I trust you. I know you are a smart individual and you are working from a good place so, therefore, trust your gut to guide you when to act. If this is something that you want to do, pursue it.
I think sliding into DMs is such a great idea. It’s another way to meet people that we might not ever see on a dating app or cross paths with IRL.
Dating Hotline Question #2. Who follows who? And who sends the first meme?
I love memes. I think they are such an important part of life and even more so I think you could go as far to say that memes are a good indicator of someone’s personality. Memes are an extension of your humor and if your humor is someone else’s humor then you’re already set up well to enjoy each other’s company.
Comedy is one of the easiest places to look for commonality. If both individuals can relate to the same type of humor then you can expect to share a couple of laughs throughout your conversation. But let’s dissect a meme for a quick moment- a meme is a relatable, comedic post and what’s the basis of comedy - finding humor through the pain. So when these two are combined we have real-life validation and acknowledgment of relatable experiences. This, you guys, this is how you can learn about someone through what memes they send. What stands out to them as funny and relateable - and usually it’s a frustration turned comedic moment. If you can relate to their memes then you know there’s more you have in common and now it’s up to you to uncover it through conversation. Memes are like icebreakers or conversation starters - they organically illuminate additional areas where you can vibe.
But let’s say you just met this person, maybe you’ve gone on a date or two already. You two have talked about Instagram - you both obviously have one - but you don’t follow each other yet. Who follows who first and then next Q - who sends the first meme?
Guys, give ya girl a follow and she will hit you with a follow back. In most situations, the guy should follow her before she follows him. Ladies, just like you wouldn’t make a move on a dating app, you want to stay high-value and let him come to you when you’re interested in potentially dating this man. That said when he does follow you better be ready to fire off some memes to get a chuckle. Girls if you make him chase you - make him laugh. That will make him even more into you.
NOw the other things is, when do you start DMing memes to each other?
I think memes are actually the 6th love language. If you guys can DM each other good content that is just between the two of you, you’ll be in great shape. That’s a huge fundamental of modern dating. That keeps your relationship energy high, you have a handful of funny jokes that only you two share, and it puts a smile on both of your faces AND you know you did that.
Everyone enjoys making other people laugh, but as a comedian, my preferred laugh is an earned one. One that was actually a totally organic moment that played out well. This is why I HIGHLY recommend Second City’s Improv program - it has taught me so many social skills. But memes are their own type of comedy. When you send that perfectly timed meme to someone and you know they are going to just DIE when they see it, you can pat yourself on the back for that one. Clap Clap your ego is feeling good. Seriously you guys, I when I was on stage doing improv there was no better feeling of making a 100+ person audience laugh because of something I said. It’s sooooo empowering!
Send that meme right away. Ladies, since he has chased you and initiated so much of the conversations and he’s showing interest, this is when you make the first move. You send him a meme after he follows you. I recommend waiting a day or two because then it’s an excuse to reach out. You want all of your communications with him to be purposeful - don’t come to him looking to be entertained because you’re bored. High-Value means you have plenty of things happening in your life so when you’re reaching out to him first - you have something to say. This meme will catch him off guard. And also as I’ve been saying, women, you control the relationship with your boundaries, sending the first meme opens the relationship up to the next level of communication showing interest without saying anything. So ladies be bold and send the first meme, but only after he’s requested and is following you - not before.
Curves & Kisses
We are swerving and blowing kisses as we go….
Curve -
First up we are going to curve around when old relationship habits start to creep into your new relationship. When you’re off your game and you can feel yourself being pulled out of who you normally are but your old relationship habits are telling you “this is what you do in these situations” but your new healthy life patters completely contradict that thought. STAY STRONG and push forward with your new life habits. Don’t be pulled backward, or resolve to old relationship habits. They are in your past and old for a reason - they weren’t successful then and they won’t be now either.
This week I noticed that I wanted more attention than I was getting and that almost made me go against my own rule -text a guy because I was bored. I felt this as it was happening all week and so instead of getting attention from an external place - which is what I thought I wanted - I instead focused on deepening my relationship with myself and carved out a little extra me-time. So I booked a massage with Cari Rogers at Tribe Healing Arts and if you know Cari then you know her hands are magical, her massages are a spiritual experience. @healthyself_with_cari. Following that, I made my way through a couple of chapters in Talking To Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell while taking an Epson salt bath afterward. Just this small act of self-love for my mind, my body, and my spirit was enough for me to bounce back to myself - and focus on my work instead of the daydream.
Kiss -
And we are blowing kisses to Solarium - guys you probably saw this on my Instagram story yesterday. I literally fell in love. You know how much I love infrared - it’s the best thing - you know how obsessed I’ve become after trying it in LA and I found a studio in Oak Park that’s an infrared pilates studio. Solarium their Instagram account is @sol_arium_ and Regan is the Zubak is the founder - she’s amazing and has created the prettiest beach house vibes in Oak Park that you actually for a second feel like you’re in the Hamptons or in San Diego. The vibes are so good, she has so many plants lining the walls, and then the infrared comes through panels in the ceiling heating the room up to 90 degrees. My girl Katie @deeplinehealth took me there and my life forever changed. HELLOOOOO takes my money now, and should we set up a direct deposit? I took their class yesterday and I would best describe this as soul cycle meets pilates - it’s a dance class that flows through mat routine pilates moves. The workout was so much fun but again the infrared aspect made the workout doubly effective. Infrared therapy does many things for the body including detoxification, pain relief, reduction of muscle tension, relaxation, improved circulation, weight loss, skin purification - which I already told you guys about two weeks ago and it boosts your immune system. There are SO many benefits to using infrared light therapies and the best part is they complement other modalities so well that it’s easy to find infrared light therapy treatments around Chicago. But Solarium is the only place in Chicago that is using it in conjunction with a workout. It’s absolutely wonderful and you will definitely find me there. @Sol_arium_ check it out - they have a new client promotion $100 for a month of unlimited classes. $100 for a month’s worth of pilates classes, let alone infrared pilates - WHERE DO I SIGNNNN?!?
Ok, that’s our show for this week - thank you for tuning in to Dating Hotline - presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - Chicago’s #1 full-service dating and dating & relationship consultancy. This is your host Chloé Miller. Thank you to our music transition composer Nikolas Thorpe over at Sound Lounge. If there's something you want to talk about in the future episodes, there's a link in the show notes where you can submit your stories. Otherwise, you guys, DM me your dating questions, email me your thoughts, and please, please, please tell all of your friends to listen. Don’t forget to leave us a review - we want 5 stars! Dating hotline releases new episodes every Wednesday at 11 am CENTRAL. Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review on Apple Podcast and follow us on Spotify.
OUTRO