Ep 13: Dating & Energy
Dating Hotline, a podcast presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT
Dating Hotline
Ep. 13
Dating & Energy
SHOW NOTES
- DATING HOTLINE -
Ep 13: Dating & Energy
Host: Chloé Miller
Production: AND, SWIPE RIGHT
Show Music: Andrew Langdon
Transition Music: Nikolas Thorpe
“ Energy is a language of subtleties - it’s incredibly helpful with dating when so much go unspoken - if you can read the energy of the room or your partner you can know so much more than what they may be vocalizing. We have all experienced situations when you ask your partner what’s wrong and they say nothing but you know in your gut something is up. That ‘s your energy communicating with you. Start paying attention to that going forward. "
-Chloé Miller
Founder, & CEO of AND, SWIPE RIGHT
EPISODE DESCRIPTION
In the thirteenth episode of Dating Hotline presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - Chloé discusses how energy impacts our dating life, why it’s so important to be familiar with energy on your dates and how to bring good energy to your dates. Plus, she answers two popular dating questions: 1. How does energy impact a date? 2. What can I do to ensure I bring good energy to my date?
LINKS
- Pilates @ Home (streaming online) -
@DeepLineHealth
- Social Media (Personal & Business) -@Genuninely.Social
- Reiki & Energy Cleansing -
@ElectrifiedWellness
- The Science of Well-Being -
Prof. Laurie Santos @ Yale University
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TRANSCRIPT
Dating Hotline
EP 13: Dating & Energy
Hi Dating Hotliners - My birthday was yesterday and I turned 30. Gotta be honest with you, I feel wiser. I woke up and thanked my body and my soul for making it this long in life because it’s a gift to start a new decade. My life has had challenges just like yours I’m sure but I’m so grateful for every minute and every experience, I love my life. Now you might not see me saying that on my bad days, but the point is to stick through the bad and get back to the good so that you too can come around to this place of deep appreciation and gratitude for all that you have created in this lifetime. And even though this quarantine has changed things for everyone, the fragility of life is magnified right now and this life lesson over my birthday has had a pretty significant impact on me. It’s like I woke up with deep gratitude for my health, my life, my family my friends, my work, our world has changed so dramatically that we would be remiss if we didn’t take the time to notice how much this change impacts us on a personal level. I hope you find some silver lining through this global shift. Last week I talked about focusing on abundance and staying positive and I really believe that is what has inspired this shift. I focused on TIME - the abundance of time I have to be productive with my to-do list, the abundance of TIME I have to start a new course (I signed up for The Science of Well-Being, taught by Laurie Santos. it’s Yale University’s most popular course and it’s already fascinating!) and lastly the abundance of TIME I have for reflection and shedding. Ok yes, I got a little too excited about finding the abundance of items I can let go of post-pandemic but there is SO MUCH good that can come from challenges - it’s all about perspective.
Quarantine-ing was not how I imagined celebrating my 30th birthday but I already see the gift that this change has brought me - a shifted perspective and a re-focus on what’s important in life. For me, that’s the people I care about. Quality time with my family and friends is absolutely my dominant love language but this birthday helped me to remember how much PEOPLE are gifts because they are in your life. It’s easy to be swept away on all of the excitement around the day but being forced to spend it at home was in its own way, a beautiful gift.
When you shift your perspective to a place of gratitude, you are raising your vibration and changing your energy. We all have our own energetic field and we are in control of these but nowhere in the western culture are we taught about the importance of knowing how to discern the different types of energy we come in contact with and then better yet, how to work with it. Our energetic field or aura is what is more commonly referred to as our personal space, it’s about a 6-12inch radius from your body in a full 360-degree bubble (invisible to the untrained eye). Healers train with different energy work techniques to learn how to protect their own energetic field and help others cleanse and purify their personal energy fields. In today’s episode, I’m going to explain how imperative it is to be conscientious of what type of energy is brought on your dates and how you can ensure you show up with good energy - we are covering Dating & Energy. Ya ready? Let’s go.
Show Music
Hellloooo and welcome to the thirteenth episode of Dating Hotline, this is your host, Chloé Miller. Dating Hotline is presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - an online dating & relationship consultancy. Through services like Dating & Relationship Coaching, Image Consultanting, Personal Styling, and creating and engaging dating profiles AND SWIPE RIGHT is Chicago’s Online Dating & Relationship consultancy offering support throughout all stages of dating. AND, SWIPE RIGHT is setting a high-value standard in online dating by empowering single men and women with dating techniques.
Thank you for listening today and every week - Dating Hotline releases new episodes EVERY WEDNESDAY at 11 am Central. So you hit that little subscribe button on Apple Podcast or Follow on Spotify. This way, you’ll never miss an episode or juicy story. And you guys leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Your reviews help other people find Dating Hotline and then they listen to our show. We have a 5.0 rating and we’re really proud of it! After you’ve left your review - send me a screenshot. We post all of this information on the AND, SWIPE RIGHT website - Our show notes host links to the business & products we feature and other gems like our newsletter - check it out andswiperight.com
What’s up you guys? Yesterday was my birthday and turning 30 while in self-quarantine while living alone is NOT how imagined celebrating my 30th but sometimes life doesn’t play out the way we expect it to. Honestly, it was actually really nice. Over the past decade, I’ve spent so much time and effort getting to know myself on a deeper level, I filled my day with different energetic activities to really tune in to my own energy, see where I was exhausted and what was blocking my energy from flowing easily. I LOVE energy and learning to work with it is like learning a new language. It takes time, patience, and an acute awareness of subtitle sensations. Energy is intangible and therefore everyone’s experience is slightly different - we all reach for different words to describe similar feelings but because there is no uniform experience, this feeling can be hard to put into words. But the more you work with energy, and like any other language, you start to become fluent and the communication grows stronger and stronger.
This is what motivated me to become a Reiki Master, my passion for personal growth and my relationship with myself while also learning a new healing technique that I use daily on myself as well as with clients. My parent’s dog LOVES this! But really, bringing good energy to a first date is the difference between “I had a great first date, I can’t wait to see them again” and “How was your date? It was good”. Good or Nice is the opposite of memorable or magnetic.
In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss how energy impacts our dating life, why it’s so important and how to bring good energy to your dates.
Dating Hotline Question #1 - How does energy impact a date?
Everything could be right but if the energy is wrong nothing is right. Have you ever heard someone say “something was just off” about that...maybe they struggled to pinpoint it because on the surface it looks right but it just felt different, or weird? That’s ENERGY. We are not taught how to recognize it, how to interpret it, nor how to work with it so many of us struggle to know when we are actually having energetic experiences because there’s no familiarity with the subject. It’s like asking someone to give a 5-minute speech on a book they’ve never read that’s written in a different language, it’s just not going to work. So, be kind on yourself for the fact that this is a new concept to many people and everyone is at different stages of their journey but the sooner you start your journey the sooner you’ll see how you can use that energy to create that “Are you free tomorrow, I gotta see you again” feeling.
Let’s start with HOW do you notice energy? And is all energy good or is there bad energy?
Lesson 1 - How you notice energy?
Start by measuring your own energy - Begin by becoming HYPER aware of yourself and your own energetic field. And then when you socially interact with others notice how you feel after leaving them. Ask yourself, “Does this person drain my energy?” For example, do you come home exhausted, needing a nap, wiped out, needing a break? Or do you come home energized, ready to keep going, up for another 3 hours...that’s the difference between someone who energizes you and someone who drains you. Start paying attention to how you energetically feel in places, large crowds vs small gatherings. An example right now is the energy at the grocery store during this quarantine - its bad, you can feel the fear and then the empty shelves add to the paranoia - this is an example of bad energy. When you step foot outside of the grocery store it’s like you can breathe lighter - you’ve left the bad energy inside.
But more importantly, pay attention to the energy within your own relationships. If you come home every time feeling negative about yourself, that person is not sharing good energy. And in that case, your best solution would be to distance yourself from that person and replace the time shared with them with time shared with people who energize you and activate other parts of your personality. The ones who let your soul speak. These people are the members of your tribe, they get you, they see you, they bring good energy to your world and your energetic field. When you’re dating and looking for compatibility and long term partnership - don’t forget to consider the energetic compatibility. I’ve dated men in the past that drained my energy and I never understood why I was always tired, rundown, and running out of energy when I was around him. His energy was too heavy for mine and literally it weighted me down manifesting in physical fatigue. It was only because of my own passion with energy and through my studying did I realize this is what was happening to me, his energy was draining mine and I would nap or rest to literally recharge my energy. To the untrained person, you might just think you had a long day or that you are tired. This is the acute level of subtleties that I want you to start paying attention to. It’s not going to be something you see on the first day you start this but with the time you’ll start to become more aware of how happy you feel leaving someone’s company and then how many times you yawn on your way home from others. The distinction that energy can carry physical weight - heavy energy manifesting with exhaustion and light energy manifesting with as a surge of adrenaline - could be considered crazy to those not familiar with how energy works. So let’s dive into that next so that we build upon this fundamental understanding of energy and it’s relationship with dating.
Lesson 2 - deciphering good & bad energy -
Good energy shows itself in two ways - the first is sublet and almost unnoticeable - it feels calm and pleasant, it can be so subtle sometimes that you don’t even notice it but you are enjoying the experience. Alternatively, good energy can be VERY obvious. This feels like an overwhelming feeling of positive emotions. In dating - good energy is when you “vibe”. This means your energies are vibrating on the same frequencies which is just another way of saying - you get each other on a different level. It’s instinctive or even intuitive and sometimes people say things like “it’s like we knew each other from a previous life” this is an energy match that clearly compatible. Don’t discount the feeling you have when your energy meshes with someone else’s beautiful - this is when you vibing. Light energy has a positive impact on your relationship.
Bad energy is a gut, instinctual feeling, something is “off” it just doesn’t add up, you sorta stiffen up, feel guarded, high alert, and even maybe a bit tense. Again your brain doesn’t understand yet what your energetic field is deciphering but denying your institution’s attempt to communicate this message to yourself ultimately ends up working against yourself. In other words, when we have these unusual gut feeling something bad might happen, that is our intuition telling us there is danger, our energetic field picked up the threat and they are alerting you in most cases before main control (aka your brain) has the time to notice it. When you listen to your energy you are working in tandem with your body’s communication, I visualize it like an army around a castle - when the army notices the threat they relay it back to the king - or queen in my case - in the castle for further direction, That is what your energetic field is doing when you get these feelings and can’t articulate why. When you use your energetic field as a second source of perception in the world, it’s like you’ve tapped into a whole new way of communicating with others. Everyone is energetically sensitive, just at varying degrees. The more you work with energy the deeper your sensitivity will become but it’s essential to recognize there is light and dark energy out there and learning the difference is imperative.
The problem with energy is that without seeing it with our eyes as physical proof, it’s easy to disregard our body’s communication with our mind as a weird moment or a strange thought but the key is to stop judging or labeling the thought with an adjective, don’t think of the thought as strange or bizarre, but rather take a second to think about it and focus on why that “random” thought just popped into your mind, analyze it for a moment and most chance you’ll learn something from that thought that had you immediately dismissed, you would have missed it entirely.
Energy is a language of subtleties - it’s incredibly helpful with dating when so much go unspoken - if you can read the energy of the room or your partner you can know so much more than what they may be vocalizing. We have all experienced situations when you ask your partner what’s wrong and they say nothing but you know in your gut something is up. That ‘s your energy communicating with you. Start paying attention to that going forward.
I have been studying, practicing, and working with Energy for over 10 years. Last year, I became a certified Reiki Master because I wanted to deepen my understanding and my perception. Reiki is a healing technique that works with energy to naturally restore the body to optimal health physically, emotionally and energetically. It’s one of my favorite relationships because a relationship with the language of energy is really a relationship with yourself. Your body gives you clues and you learn to decipher the meanings of those clues with time. And your relationship with yourself starts to flourish. THIS IS ENERGY.
Dating Hotline Question #2 - What can I do to ensure I bring good energy to my date?
Bringing good energy to a date is essential. Hopefully, you haven’t been on this date but there were a couple of time where I was on a date with a guy who clearly just came from work and I could tell he was stressed and a bit manic even but that chaotic energy he brought to the date highjacked any possibility for a genuine connection. He was so wrapped up in his world that he didn’t take the time to decompress before inserting himself in a social setting. In other words, he transferred his stress and frustrations from his workday to me on our date. He emotionally dumped and left me feeling like it was a therapy session because I literally feel your pain and you walked out of this date feeling better about yourself. So that clearly wasn’t a good date for me but I’ve learned how to protect myself from those emotional dumps which really is another way of saying - he transferred his bad energy to my energetic field by downloading his work stress and in return, I gave him my light energy reenergizing him. (Think of it like a cycle exchanging energy - his energy goes into my energetic field, my energy goes into his energetic field.) I can’t control what someone else does but I can protect myself from being energetically vulnerable to that situation in the future. So here’s what I do. It’s usually a combination of these - depending on the day or the date or even the guy - I’ll let my intuition guide me to the techniques that feel right that day - This way I ensure that I’m showing up on my date with good energy and that leaves a positive lasting impression - more than anything you could say on a date. Energy is something you make the other person feel - it’s powerful and you can create it.
First I work with crystals all the time, I have plenty and I gift them all the time. Their healing energy works. There are plenty of stones on this planet and each has a different purpose, when these stones are charged and working with an intention it’s totally possible to manifest great things. Working with rose quartz is one of my favorite stones because not only does it assist in the relationship you’re building with this individual on your date, it also works on deepening your relationships with yourself - as you’re bu8ilding love with this person you’re building self-love with yourself. (It’s like the crystal world’s version of buy one get one free crystal properties.) As I’m getting ready for my date I’ll grab one of my rose quartz stones and put it on my body somewhere - either in my pocket, if I’m wearing jeans or in my bra usually if I don’t have pockets. I’ve learned that having the stone in my purse is less effective because it’s too distant from my energetic filed to be having an impact on me. If you’re interested in learning how to charge or care for your crystals - send me an email. Let’s talk!
But before I start getting ready for my date, I carve out at least 20 minutes to do a heart-chakra meditation specifically with the intention of opening my heart to love so that I show up authentically and unguarded. The real me comes out on a date. First dates can be uncomfortable at the beginning, but doing this heart-opening meditation before the date positions you with so much self-love so that the comfortability part never happens because you’re too busy glowing.
The meditations that I love specifically for dating are heart-chakra meditations, pranic healing meditations, and divine feminine goddess meditations. I’ll post links to them in our show notes. These meditations are 15 minutes but I’ll also share micro-meditations for those with less than 5 minutes and I promise you can do these in the uber on your way to your date (post-pandemic).
What I have found to be most effective with cleansing my energetic field is Reiki. Healing energy is directed into a person’s energetic field clearing blockages and stagnate energy, restoring the body, and refreshing the energetic field. It’s like an energy bath - flushing your energy field of all energy that is no longer serving you. This is facilitated through a practitioner and is similar to a massage. Instead of a physical sensation on the external body like a massage would provide, Reiki provides an internal sensation throughout the entire body and that’s is the body communicating to you that the healing energy is flowing through your energetic field. You’ll feel it and that’s when you know it’s working.
I do Reiki on myself every day, it’s part of how I start my day with meditating and my morning routine. I’m so in love with this technique and as a healer, this is powerful for me. I bring in reiki to help me downgrade my nervous system - goodbye first date nerves - and then I fill my energetic field with loving light energy and that investment of time shifts my perspective and just like that you vibe higher. The higher the vibe the more attractive you become. In other words, the higher your vibe the more authentic you are and in tune with your soul. And that level of genuine authenticity is attractive.
If you’re interested in learning more about energy send me an email - my wellness company ELECTRIFIED Wellness is starting workshops (i know, how timely with this quarantine) that are now being moved online. If you want to sign up for these workshops get in touch with us. Either check out our website www.electrifiedwellness.com or email us at info@electrifiedwellness.com and leave your message about our workshops and webinars!
Dating is challenging on it own, now we have moved it all online, and now I’m asking you to pay attention to one more thing? Yes. You can do this - start doing while you date, be patient with your self when you just start as it will take time for this subtle perception muscle to grow but it’s worth it - it’s like learning a secret code that everyone has access to but not everyone takes the opportunity to advance themself. In your dating life - understanding energy is a HUGELY helpful tool to help measure and gauge your relationship.
CURVES + KISSES
We are swerving and blowing kisses….
CURVE
Cover - Closed-minded living. The world is expansive and filled with billions of people. If the saying goes “we’re all snowflakes, no two are alike” then, who’s to say two people would ever have the same thought. In other words, we all problem solve differently. Then how can you argue that your point is right and someone else’s is wrong? Why can’t there be room for both perspectives? Opening your mind to make space for an additional perspective can let your soul guide you to new interests and hobbies when you start to shed the societal expectations of yourself. You start to just be, you start to live, and you tap into a deeper level of happiness. I challenge you to expand your world by opening your mind 1% today. Maybe this podcast episode is just that, and If that’s you - then thank you for listening to something that may be outside of your comfort zone, I’m proud of you for providing the space for this episode in your day. For some, it may look like patience when you’re in a hurry and someone in moving slowly in front of you, and for others, it’s politics. A difference of opinion doesn’t make right and wrong - it means that you live in an exclusionary world that’s devoid of unconditional love including the unconditional love that you are depriving yourself of. When you open your mind to the place of coexistence instead of right and wrong, or good and bad, or superior-inferior, you can see life through a compassionate and empathetic perspective and so when you look at the person across the table from you while you’re on your date, you can recognize that they are human too and they’ve experienced pain, challenges, and suffering, just like you have but that their experiences might be complementary to your life experiences. Just because this person’s experiences are not what you’ve experienced doesn’t make them wrong. Opening your mind opens the world to endless possibilities. I’ve dated many men that expanded my thinking during our relationship because I made space for their experiences and opinions. I would have regretted missing out on those relationships had I rejected their thinking. Open-mindedness is a quality to be seeking in a partner, these individuals will help you grow and evolve.
KISS
Kisses - Here are 3 of who are now streaming and killing it in their space. Check them out because there is a limit on how much tv binging is physically possible - you will know when you’ve crossed it but only too late. Save your eyeballs and your brain.
For your Body -
@DeepLineHealth -- Summer & Post Quarantine are coming (when, it’s still TBD but it’s coming). Keep yourself in shape because since the quarantine started I have about doubled my daily food intake so that’s cool. You would think a small child was the one setting the menu’s these past couple days….My birthday aside, Mom you made a BOMB birthday dinner, thank you!) but more than this quarantine has taken a toll on our bodies. Keep them toned and tight (as if you lived in LA) so that you’re always, date ready. Don’t let this quarantine convince you that you can take a day off because eventually you will be back out socializing with the world and you will want to look good. Katie has 3 types of programs you can sign up for each with 6 classes. Plus - she’s even offering comped classes for those who want to continue to workout but are financially pinched with this quarantine. She wants to help keep you healthy. Guys, if you want to virtually do these classes together let me know. I will be signing up because I love food and summer is coming.
For Your Mind -
I told you I’m taking this Continuing Education course - first of all, I love continuing education. I’ve found the coolest classes and workshops because of these opportunities. I’ve studied tarot cards with the Carl Jung Institute of Psychologists, I’ve explored the Chakras and learned to create my own bath scrubs that are specifically tailored to my Chakra needs, and now I’m studying The Science of Well-Being from Yale University. I’ll include the link in our show notes to this course - it’s a DIY pace with suggested guidelines. I suggest finding something that your passionate about - maybe it’s not work-related maybe it starts with a workshop on your chakras like it was for me, but follow your passions and feed your mind with a new hobby or skill. Challenge yourself to learn something new, your brain would enjoy the challenge but your soul will be thanking you everytime you work on that new hobby. That is at its essence going to produce more good energy for you - feeding your soul soulful food purifies your energy keeping it light and good. Check out @Electrifiedwellness on Instagram - we are starting with virtual workshops but we also offer privates if you’d rather learn one on one. This quarantine is the perfect time to add something new to your life. Sign up for that class and emerge on the other side of this quarantine healthy and smarter.
For your Social Media
@Genuinely.Social -- go follow her A] for her brilliant social media tips and B] because she is a small business owner out there helping other small business owners succeed! She decodes Instagram and teaches you HOW to use the platform as a tool to help your social marketing needs. Why does this matter on a dating platform - um HELLOOOOOOOO! Your dating profile is the start - everyone then will look for your social media after you connect. If you are a part of the non-social media crowd, then you, my friend need to tell me what else you do with your smartphone - what are you reading? What are you doing with all of your time? But for everyone else - she can help with personal strategies and professional account strategies. Even if you’re looking for just a consultation- don’t forget social media is like your business card. If it’s a personal page great but remember it’s on the internet so EVERYONE has access to it….
LASTLY - my personal kiss goes out to my family and friends who reached out to me to wish me Happy Birthday. It’s was a beautiful day, filled with love because I heard from you. Sending kisses to you all!
Ok, that’s our show for this week - thank you for tuning in to Dating Hotline - presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - Chicago’s #1 full-service dating and dating & relationship consultancy. This is your host Chloé Miller. Thank you to our music transition composer Nikolas Thorpe over at Sound Lounge. If there's something you want to talk about in the future episodes, there's a link in the show notes where you can submit your stories. Otherwise, you guys, DM me your dating questions, email me your thoughts, and please, please, please tell all of your friends to listen. Don’t forget to leave us a review - we want 5 stars! Dating hotline releases new episodes every Wednesday at 11 am CENTRAL. Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review on Apple Podcast and follow us on Spotify.
OUTRO