Ep 16: Dating While in Quarantine - Part 2
Dating Hotline, a podcast presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT
Dating Hotline
Ep. 16
Dating While in Quarantine - Part 2
SHOW NOTES
- DATING HOTLINE -
Ep 16: Dating While in
Quarantine - Part 2
Host: Chloé Miller
Production: AND, SWIPE RIGHT INC.
Show Music: Andrew Langdon
Transition Music: Nikolas Thorpe
“ First I want you to stop asking everyone “what’s keeping you busy through quarantine” because honestly EVERYONE is asking that question and it’s all anyone can talk about. And secondly, does it even really matter what she’s doing through quarantine? No, so I want you to ask a more intentional question. The question you should be asking is - “What have you discovered during quarantine?” Do you see the difference? It’s subtle but it’s a totally different question. "
-Chloé Miller
Founder, & CEO of AND, SWIPE RIGHT
EPISODE DESCRIPTION
In the sixteenth episode of Dating Hotline presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - Chloé continues to discuss the 10 most frequently asked questions during this quarantine. Part two tackles 3 new questions: 1. What’s a good opening line while dating in quarantine? 2. How do I end this with someone who won’t stop texting me all day long? 3. I accepted a date and then canceled it because I’m worried about this pandemic. Does he have the right to be angry or was I right to cancel?
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LINKS
- Quarantined Together Group -
a virtual social hangout
QT Group Sign Up Form
TikTok Accounts to Follow
Jessica Alba on TikTok
Charli D’Amelio on TikTok
Medium Article: The Great Pause
Prepare for the Ultimate Gaslighting
- Reiki & Energy Cleansing -
@ElectrifiedWellness
AND, SWIPE RIGHT Services
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TRANSCRIPT
Dating Hotline
Ep 16:
Dating While In Quarantine - Part 2
Hi Dating Hotliners - Welcome back to part two of Dating While in Quarantine. We have more quarantine-related dating questions to dive into today but first I want to check in with you. How are you doing during this quarantine? Is self-isolation starting to get to you? Have you gone down some deep dark TikTok black holes just to pass the time? Honestly, thank god for the Gen Z generation to keep us mildly entertained with some of the dumbest videos. I’m posting some of my favorites on our show notes, I’ve actually cried watching some of these they are that funny! But hold on, I just realized I’ve been doing Quarantine ALLLLLLLL WRONG. Instead of streaming all of these online work out classes why am I not just learning these TikTok dances? Have you seen Jessica Alba’s account my god she literally looks like the hottest 18 years old alive….but like she’s not and you guys she’s a mom! Soooo if she can do this then you can too. Yes, I know she’s a dance to begin with but like come on we all start somewhere. But why am I spending so much time talking about TikTok videos because if you know how to dance well - A] it’s always a sexy trait - male or female it just pulls people in and B] that means you know how to move your body in a fluid graceful way. So as part of my commitment to keep your dating skills fresh through this quarantine, start moving that body and more importantly flex those dance skills. Now as you’re listening to this show - go look up Jessica Abla on TikTok. You’ll understand what I’m talking about when I say dancing is attractive, it just pulls people in. Ok now, are ya ready for some Quarantine Qs? Let’s go.
Show Music
What’s up you guys it’s your girl Chloé Miller and welcome to the 16th episode of Dating Hotline. Dating Hotline is presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - an online dating & relationship consultancy raising the standard in online dating by empowering single women and men with high-value dating techniques. Through services like Dating & Relationship Coaching, Image Consulting, Personal Styling, and dating profile production services AND SWIPE RIGHT is an online dating consultancy offering support throughout all stages of dating.
Thank you for listening today and every week - Dating Hotline releases new episodes EVERY WEDNESDAY at 11 am Central Time. So if you subscribe on Apple Podcast or Follow us on Spotify, you’ll never miss a Dating Hotline episode. And you guys, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Your reviews help other people find Dating Hotline and then they listen to our show. We have a 5.0 rating and we are quite proud of it! After you’ve left your review - send me a screenshot. I want to make sure to thank you appropriately.
We post all of this information on the AND, SWIPE RIGHT website - Our show notes host links to the business & products we feature and other gems like our newsletter and now our favorite TikTok videos - check it out andswiperight.com
Ok so let’s go back to TikTok and let me give you a break down of my interpretation of the platform. If you’re not familiar with how TikTok works - it’s like Instagram but with videos. People shoot and edit short films anywhere from 10 seconds to 60seonds lay some music underneath and boom you’ve created a TikTok video. All of this is done within the app so it’s super simple. Personally, I love this app, it’s my guilty pleasure because I literally can lose hours on this app. I have stayed up till 3 am multiple times just scrolling through TikTok videos. ( side note - all of those nights were worth it). Just like Instagram people post all types of videos, funny videos, personal confessions, how to’s, advice….ya know all the stuff you see on Instagram but in video form.
Now let’s talk about a platform comparison.
First, let’s start with Instagram. Hot girls have taken over Instagram and flooded your newsfeed with pictures of themself. Hot guys have too but it’s incredibly lopsided when you look at the engagement of the hot girls pictures vs the hot guys’ pictures. Instagram is a hot girl platform and that’s probably why we all love it. But TikTok is definitely a hot guy platform. What do I mean by that? For some reason the guys on TikTok get more engagement - I think it’s because guys can show more of their personality on TikTok than you can in a picture on Instagram. Don’t get me wrong - there are plenty of hot girls doing their thing on TikTok - have you heard of Charlie, she’s literally the most successful TikTok user and it’s all because she’s fluid as hell when she dances. Heads up - I think she’s like 16 or something - yeah that’s also the problem with TikTok. You start watching videos of people not realizing they are CHILDREN. But ya know, be smart about it. This is the running joke on TikTok- you’ll see videos about how people follow accounts only later do they realize they are following high schoolers. But hold up - before you turn off completely to this, remember who you were in High School and college. Remember how cool you were and in tune with what society was up to….TikTok is like your magic window into the word of high schoolers & college students today. These TikTok videos serve multiple purposes - 1. Dancing is a workout - hi cardio 2. You’re learning how to move your body in a fluid graceful way which will only be beneficial once this quarantine is lifted because we can ALL use some new dance moves and 3. The funny videos are perfect to share with your partner. As I said before, memes are the 6th love language. This is now extending to TikTok videos. Check it out for yourself. I also find the best songs on TikTok and I wouldn’t be surprised if musical artists are dropping their songs on TikTok first just so users can create dance challenges and make the song go viral. It’s actually a brilliant strategy when you think about it...so if you want to stay up to date on what’s happening in society because the news it just too damn depressing sometimes download the app and Follow us on TikTok @andswiperight
Dating Hotline’s Frequently Asked Questions while in Quarantine Part 2
Q 1: What’s a good opening line while dating in quarantine?
A: First I want you to stop asking everyone “what’s keeping you busy through quarantine” because honestly EVERYONE is asking that question and it’s all anyone can talk about. And secondly, does it even really matter what she’s doing through the quarantine? No, so I want you to ask a more intentional question. The question you should be asking is “What have you discovered during quarantine?” Do you see the difference? It’s subtle but it’s a totally different Q. Asking her what she’s doing is what every other man will slide into her dating profile because it’s the obvious question but as I’ve said before strive to be different so you stand out from every other guy she’s talking to. This difference is what gets you both excited about talking to each other.
Why do I want you to ask her what she’s learned over this period of time? I read a great article in Medium dubbing this The Great Pause and yes that’s exactly what this is. (I’ll hyperlink it in our show notes). It’s incredible but life is in a way on hold. So we’ve all adjusted to find new things to keep us busy. But what we’re doing doesn’t matter. What we’re learning and discovering about ourselves and the world does matter. This will set you up with the opportunity to learn about each other from the beginning and more importantly, you’re asking about her interests. We by nature love talking about our passions and this Great Pause is the perfect time to explore those passions. When you ask about what she’s discovered you’re asking her to reflect and what she chooses to share with you (because it’s been weeks and she will only pick 1 thing to share) will be telling.
Also, if you want to flex your comedy skills this is the perfect time to follow up your Q with a comedic discovery from your end. For example “What have you discovered during this Quarantine? I discovered I missed my calling in vacuum artistry. I draw a new image in my carpet every week.” Or “I discovered that I’m an amazing frozen pizza chef but my real specialty is grilled cheese. You gotta butter both sides of the bread” Or “I should be a Somalia with how much wine I’ve consumed these past couple weeks…”
If you’re looking for something more specific, I’m reminding you that I’m giving away ALL of my services for free this month book an appointment with me. I’ve helped clients overcome fears of jumping on a Zoom first date, I’ve helped clients compose great opening lines for the women they’ve matched with on their dating apps and I’ve even helped people understand the dynamic of their relationship now that we have all been dropped into a long-distance relationship. For many of us, this is a first and we’re not familiar with how to migrate an in-person relationship to an online relationship. My advice is to communicate and vocalize more than you normally would. You only have a few love languages to capitalize on now and you really need to put in the effort in these areas to keep the connection alive. Trust me, I have plenty of long-distance relationship experience, tips, and tricks to share with you.
Q 2: How do I end this with someone who won’t stop texting me all day long?
This is a good question because just as we talk about starting a new relationship, there will be people breaking up during this quarantine. And as I mentioned before dating should NOT be your source of entertainment. If you’re texting them because you’re bored you need to rethink that text. Remember to communicate with purpose not for
First I want you to examine if you’re actually ready to end this relationship with this person - a break up should be the last resort. So many times problems can be resolved with an honest conversation if both individuals come to the table ready to listen. Find a way to express that this level of communication is too much, maybe that’s with slower response times followed by a text saying “I’m not trying to ignore you, but this needs to slow down.” If you’ve already tried these strategies and had a conversation about what you’re expectations are then here’s my advice.
Be direct and don’t leave room to discuss. Meaning, make up your mind and frame your position from the place of what you want. Then, express that kindly. In the previous episodes, I’ve talked about my 3 sentence strategy. So much can be said in 3 sentences and keeping it short helps to keep the point clear. The other person doesn’t get lost in the message.
The point here is to be kind in your message. State what’s not working, state what you want, and how that is executed. Breakups don’t have to be messy and they don’t have to be traumatic. If we all just took one minute to think about how you would want someone to approach you with this message - with kindness and compassion - our breakups might be different. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sugar-coating the emotional heartbreak you experience while going through a breakup, I’m just asking that we remember how important it is to be kind while delivering this message. We all have feelings and rejection is never fun. If you can be compassionate through your breakup the other person will recognize that and you’ll both walk away happier for it.
Q 3: I accepted a date and then canceled it because I’m worried about this pandemic. Does he have the right to be angry or was I right to cancel?
First, no one ever has the right to be mad about a canceled date. You can be disappointed but being upset or even angry is a major red flag. Don’t take on the other person’s emotions. This is setting you up for emotional manipulation and that’s the beginning of an unhealthy relationship. Try to discern if the other person is angry or just disappointed. That is key.
Then, if they are just disappointed because they wanted to see you, instead of canceling, consider suggesting a safer / healthier option like a zoom date. I imagine if they set up a date with you they want to see you, and if you turn them down because of shelter in place right now, that makes sense. But the recovery is where you need to put in the effort. Instead of just canceling, suggest the zoom date and then even an activity you could do while on your zoom date. As I mentioned last week - guys can set the mood for a zoom first date, ladies if you’re canceling the social distancing in-person date in favor of a zoom date then have a couple of ideas of what you can do during that date instead. Pitch them and mutually select the best idea. Everyone is going through this together and people are understanding but you must express WHY you’re canceling the date. If you’re concerned about your health, that’s a totally fair reason - just tell the other person. Because if you don’t you’re leaving it up to the other person to figure it out themself and that’s when personal rejection comes in. Without additional context, we’re left to deduce it was something we did personally. No one likes to feel rejected and to avoid this - just be honest with the other person.
Curves & Kisses
We are swerving around these curves and blowing kisses as we go…
Curve -
Our curve this week goes out mansplaining on dating apps. I’ve actually had a couple of clients send me screenshots of what men have said to them on their dating apps and after reading it - we both scratched our head.
For example, one woman's picture was of her holding a cup of ice cream in one hand and the spoon in her other hand. The guy who liked her profile - i don’t know what he was thinking - commented with ‘this looks like you’re smoking a cigarette, you might want to change it.”
Hahaha what?! Bro are you to pick her up or are you trying to tell her how to live her life. First, your eyes are playing tricks on you - she’s eating ICE CREAM not smoking a cigarette. Second - how’s that mansplaining strategy working for you? No high-value woman is going to bite at a comment like that. I know there’s a fine line with comedy and especially when you try to be funny on a dating app but very seriously consider what you’re saying to her before you send it. It might be funnier in your head than it is once you send it. Guys, don’t be like him - please don’t insult the girl you’re trying to pick up. It wont end well for you.
Kiss -
Our kiss this week goes out to our first Quarantined Together Founding Figures Hangout happening tomorrow - Thursday, April 16, at 8 pm CST. To sign up - visit the AND, SWIPE RIGHT website and click the Quarantined Together tab at the top of the page. We already have a group of people who are in and ready to hangout - ya know, virtually. Everyone is welcome as we are trying to connect people who are battling loneliness from self-isolation. This is real you guys, it’s ok to acknowledge your feelings but it’s not ok to stay in a lonely place - that will bring you down in so many ways. Please reach out for help if you feel like you’re struggling during this quarantine but I also encourage you to seriously consider joining us tomorrow. It’s FREE and you’ll meet other people who if nothing else can offer you social connection. I’ll be the first to say it, this shit is hard. We all thought this was just a couple weeks and now it’s turning into something much more substantial and it’s really scary to think this is the future. In Chicago, summer street festivals have been canceled and the decision to cancel Lollapalooza has been pushed to May because this is that severe. Can you imagine Chicago without SummerTime Chi?!? NEITHER CAN I so let’s learn how to adjust now and use the resources we have to create a social connection in this unprecedented time. Even after this quarantine is lifted, we will still be social-distancing for some time. This is going to last longer than we think and I’m seriously concerned about the impact this will have on everyone. Self-isolation turns to loneliness and loneliness is detrimental to your health. If you’re self-isolated please please please join our group!
Ok, that’s our show for this week - thank you for tuning in to Dating Hotline - presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - Chicago’s #1 full-service dating and dating & relationship consultancy. This is your host Chloé Miller. Thank you to our show music composer Andrew Langdon and our transition composer Nikolas Thorpe. If there's something you want to talk about in the future episodes, there's a link in the show notes where you can submit your stories. Otherwise, you guys, DM me your dating questions, email me your thoughts, and please, please, please tell all of your friends to listen. Don’t forget to leave us a review - we want 5 stars! Dating hotline releases new episodes every Wednesday at 11 am CENTRAL. Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review on Apple Podcast and follow us on Spotify.
OUTRO