Ep 18: Zoom Dating

Dating Hotline, a podcast presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT

Dating Hotline

Ep. 18
Zoom Dating

SHOW NOTES

- DATING HOTLINE -
Ep 18: Zoom Dating

Host: Chloé Miller
Production: AND, SWIPE RIGHT INC.
Show Music: Andrew Langdon
Transition Music: Nikolas Thorpe

“  ….elevate your date into a formal date night with formal attire and totally flip this Zoom Date dating experience on its head by going super classy and even make it a black-tie affair. That could be fun, could you imagine your first date with a stranger is you, in a formal dress, and him, in a suit with a bow tie...oh man, I’m a sucker for a bow tie. But more so, you could treat it like a fine dining experience, get a tablecloth and pour yourself a glass of wine? Who said Zoom Dating has to be casual….let’s dress up."

-Chloé Miller
Founder, & CEO of AND, SWIPE RIGHT

EPISODE DESCRIPTION

In the seventeenth episode of Dating Hotline presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - Chloé wraps up the 10 most frequently asked questions during this quarantine. Part three tackles how to handle emotional turmoil while already weighed down by the turmoil this crisis is creating: 1. What do I wear and how do I prepare for a Zoom Date? 2. How do I keep the traditional gender norms while also looking good on a Zoom Date? 

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TRANSCRIPT

Dating Hotline

Ep 18:
Zoom Dating

Hi, Dating Hotliners - This quarantine is a preview of what a long-distance relationship looks like. We are all forced to step up our game and communicate more effectively. Without other forms of love languages to include in our relationships, words of affirmation is the primary language we are using to connect. But that said, there are other ways we can still capitalize on showing our interests and affection for our Zoom First Date. Today we’re going to dive into what those are and how you can show up as the best version of yourself even if it’s a virtual date. Ya ready? Let’s go.

Show Music

What’s up you guys? Welcome to the 18th episode of Dating Hotline, this is your host, Chloé Miller.  Dating Hotline is presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - an online dating & relationship consultancy. Through services like Dating & Relationship Coaching, Image Consulting and Personal Styling, and even creating engaging dating profiles AND SWIPE RIGHT provides support throughout all stages of dating. AND, SWIPE RIGHT is setting a high-value standard in online dating by empowering single women and men with dating techniques. Big news guys, AND, SWIPE RIGHT just launched their latest service - Texting support for all the impromptu questions that arise in real-time. Sign up for our monthly membership and you’ll have unlimited texting privileges. I’m so excited to launch this as I’ve already been texting with so many of my clients - they told me that the advice I share through text is ALMOST better than the in sessions moments because it’s actionable and personalize to exactly what they are experiencing in their dating life. They save the big stuff for our private sessions but we text about the little things.  

Thank you for listening today and every week - Dating Hotline releases new episodes EVERY WEDNESDAY at 11 am Central Time. So if you hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcast or Follow on Spotify you will automatically get our new episode every week. This way, you’ll never miss an episode or juicy story. And you guys leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Your reviews help other people find Dating Hotline and then they listen to our show. Our 5-star review tells us that we’re doing it right so thank you guys for the feedback. After you’ve left your review - send me a screenshot. I want to make sure to thank you appropriately. We post all of this information on the AND, SWIPE RIGHT website - Our show notes host links to the business & products we feature and other gems like our newsletter - check it out andswiperight.com

Did you know AND, SWIPE RIGHT was profiled in LifeHacker’s article “How to Have a Successful Zoom Date?” Yeah, it was pretty exciting. That, right on the heels of our Cosmopolitan feature “20 Questions to ask your crush”. Um haiiii so happy about this. We love being featured in major publications and if you’re not completely sold on if what we’re sharing works - you can google us and find peer validation. Additionally, we have it up on the AND, SWIPE RIGHT website so check it out wherever it’s most convenient for you. 

Also - our Quarantined Together events are happening weekly and last week we played Guess the Gibberish. Personally, Gibberish is not a language I’m fluent in so you missed your opportunity to watch me embarrass myself publicly but drop into our future events, you might get lucky catch me making a fool of myself….again. But I love comedy so I thought it was SO MUCH FUN and after chatting with a couple of people after the event, we all felt it was truly a great evening together. Yes, strangers met other strangers and we all walked away as friends. What are you waiting for - come join us! I’m hosting these every Thursday at 8 pm throughout quarantine and each week has a new theme. Sign up on our website or DM us with your email to be added to our email invite list. 

Now, before we get into it, remember when I told you I got scolded last week by some guy on Hinge? Well, homeboy came back to me Saturday morning with “I’d still like to chat. Maybe I can convince you to meet up” and what did I do when I saw this random number text me - I laughed. It took you 5 days to realize I added value in your life and that you missed our conversation? You didn’t see that from the beginning when we were vibing on so many things?! No. I saw it right away and that’s why I gave you my number. But you pouted and then only after you talked to other girls and realized that was a good connection did you want to come back to me?!  No thank you. So you guys, I literally ignored it. This is a high-value move. I just told you that I broke up with someone and I let that shit slide into a pathetic situationships because I didn’t want to be alone. But ending things with him empowered me back into recognizing my worth. And then for this guy to scold me like a child and then 5 days later not even address his actions or remarks just showed me it was another test for me to see where I’m setting my value. 

Yes, attention is always flattering but not from the wrong person. Energetically, because I said no to him by not engaging, I sent the universe the message that he, and that low-value men, are not what I’m looking for in my partnership. This was on the heels of the situationship guy sliding into my DMs later in the week with “you look really pretty”. I left his ass on read too. No, you can keep your fake compliment. By rejecting these low-value men, and focusing in on high-value love as last week’s episode was clearly pointing out, I attracted a high-quality man. Because I said no to the men who wanted to renegotiate my value someone else come back into my life in a whole new way. We’ve known each other for years but now because I’m further along in my healing journey and I’ve grown into myself, he’s grown along his path somehow things between us are different and for the first time the stars may align. I know this person cares about me and he sees me because in the first 5 minutes of our conversation as we were catching up he told me that he has two blue jays following him around and that they’ve been with him for 2 years. As an energetic person, I told him to look up the spiritual totem meaning of the animals and he already knew what it meant. Curiosity, adventure, growth and a time to step into your own power - to which I added, and the # 2 represents partnership. He gets me you guys. He knows how much I love nature and how spiritual I am and how passionate I am about protecting the earth because we are all living creatures. More so, in all the years we’ve known each other we’ve never covered spiritual topics but because he volunteered this in our conversation he came to me with my passion. He wanted to share that with me because he knows how important this stuff is to me. Something changed last week and I have no doubt it’s because I let go of my old dating habits where I was attracted to low-value love and I opened my heart to high-value love. I had multiple tests last week - ending the situationship, getting scolded by that random hinge guy, the situationship guy sliding back into my DM with a fake compliment, and then Saturday when that hinge boy texted me again. But because I said no to all of them I rejected that and I sent the energetic message that I’m looking for better. Later in the day on Saturday this person from my past called me out of the blue. He doesn’t even live in Chicago and we have never been single in the same city. But there’s no coincidence that he called as soon as I got really clear on what type of partnership I’m looking for. 

He’s still a plane ride away so who knows what the future holds for us, especially with quarantine but the message and the gift was not lost on me. This, this, you guys is what I’m talking about when I say reject what you don’t want and get suuuuuuuper clear on what you do. The universe listens to you and then they deliver. If he or she is close to what you want, go back to your drawing board and make the changes necessary to edit your definition. Include what you missed on the first go-round. The love I talked about in last week’s episode was someone I manifested but as I said he wasn’t my forever person. So I took all the good qualities from that relationship and added in a few more from what didn’t work between us and then this man from my past walks back into my life in a whole new light. Again who knows what the future holds but this time, things between us are different because I’m different. 

Dating Hotline Q 1 - What do I wear and how do I prepare for a Zoom Date?

Ladies, put yourself together just like you would for any first date that would be in-person. This is crucial because it shows effort and interest. Not to mention it also will set the tone for you within your own apartment. Have you ever heard the saying - get dressed for the day even if you're working from home - it puts your mind in the right headspace. Well that quote came out long before quarantine started but it’s still so appropriate but I'm only suggesting it for dating. You do you with working from home. But dating from home should absolutely follow this rule. 

Dress up, that includes showering, doing your hair, putting on makeup, wearing date night clothing, and last but not least, don’t forget your heels. That detail, although he’ll probably wont see, will make you feel sexy. So in this case, if you want to wear those party shoes that absolutely doesn’t match your outfit but they are your FAVORITE shoes, wear them. That will shift your energy towards the happiness that you’ll feel just putting them on and you’ll be feeling yourself. The point about dressing up and setting the mood in your apartment is to make sure you feel sexy. That will be conveyed through the camera and he’ll feel like you dressed up for him….which you did. That effort won't be lost AND it also helps to keep you in date mode rather than the work-from-home mode. Not to mention, he’ll see that you’re taking this seriously and that’s important too. It’s easy to slide on quality during this quarantine but remember dating is all about setting the stage for yourself - it’s about first impressions and first introductions. Make a good one and that will only make him want date #2 more. 

Now, let’s say you two are playfully joking about how fancy this zoom date will be - sure, go grab that gown you’ve worn once because realistically you’re not going to wear it on an in-person first date, but maybe you can elevate your date into a formal date night attire and totally flip this Zoom Date dating experience on its head by going super classy and even make it a black-tie affair. That could be fun, could you imagine your first date with a stranger is you, in a formal dress, and him, in a suit with a bow tie...oh man, I’m a sucker for a bow tie. But more so, you could treat it like a fine dining experience, get a tablecloth and pour yourself a glass of wine? Who said Zoom Dating has to be casual….let’s dress up. Honestly, guys, the 6-year-old me is LIVING for these dress-up dates. I loved dressing up in my mom’s dresses and heels as a little girl and now as an adult, I literally seize every opportunity I can to elevate the class level, even if it was just a lunch date pre-quarantine. That’s a high-value move, sprinkle class into every occasion regardless if it’s called for. That’s just my personal brand - I’m a French girl at heart with Parisian standards. Make your Zoom dates what YOU want them to be, not just what they can be. 

Also, AND, SWIPE RIGHT has personal styling services - granted they were originally created pre-quarantine BUT this seems like an appropriate time to tell you that Zoom Date outfits are the same as in-person date outfits -- formal first Zoom Dates aside. Make an appointment and together we’ll go through your closet to see what you have and we’ll create date outfits with the clothes you already own. My own personal style is a minimal capsule wardrobe which means less is more. You’d be surprised how many outfits I can create with only 20 pieces of clothing -- if you need a wardrobe overhaul, we can do that too. But I’ll share my secrets on how you can look and feel good without shopping every other week for new items. Fast Fashion is - in my opinion - not going to last through this economy and I actually think it’s a good thing. Let’s get creative with the pieces you own and save you some money so that you can put that towards other things and through that creativity, your own personal style will shine. Don’t follow trends, dress with style and class from well made, well-tailored items that fit your body as if it was created specifically for you. Have you ever had tailor-made clothing - it’s incredibly sexy but it’s elevated sexy which makes you alluring.  

Dating Hotline Q 2 - How do I keep the traditional gender norms while also looking good on a Zoom Date? 

Guys - I want you to set up the Zoom date like you would a traditional first date. But instead of setting it up like you would for a zoom biz meeting - spice things up a bit. Here are 3 actionable tips on how you can take the lead and impress her on a virtual date. 

  1. Set the mood with a good zoom invite detail description. You want to build anticipation and excitement. I had 3 different female clients this week send me screenshots of what their zoom date descriptions were and let me tell you, guys, you are funny. Flex those skills and come up with some witty zoom call topics For example: here’s one that I thought was particularly cute, he took a gamble with it and I think it paid off - here’s what he wrote in the Zoom Meeting Details section:

    1. In this special edition of “Live from New York Virtual Happy Hour,” we’ll welcome special guests Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas who recently made the news for stating he’s “bored” living isolated in their mansion, DJing for his 13 Million Instagram fans. If Sophie and Joe end up having conflicts, I’ve got David Blane lined up to perform some never-before-seen “street magic” - an exclusive live performance just for us! It promises to be a scintillating evening so you definitely don’t want to miss out! Other potential discussion topics include: - Do you think “Tiger King”’s Carole Baskin killed her husband and fed him to a tiger? Biggest surprises from the 2020 NFL Draft? If you got admitted to Hogwarts, what house would you be and why? Warmly (his name), Sophie, Joe, and David Blaine. 

This, you guys, this is what I’m talking about when it comes to effort. Get yourself excited about it and show her that you’re excited to Zoom with her. We all know virtual first dates are not necessarily how we would want a first date to go, but what other choice do we have right now. If you want to date - that’s how it is in the world of Coronavirus. We gotta make do with what we have and this man-made lemonade out of lemons. Clap clap to this guy because SHE was so excited about this date, she screenshotted this and sent it to me. And let’s be real guys if you’re doing things right your girl is screenshotting your texts and sending them to her girlfriends. SHE’s BRAGGING ABOUT YOU! This is your goal - so set yourself up so she will brag about you and the only way to do that is to treat her right - and that takes effort!

  1. Send a gift. I’ve told you this before in previous episodes but I’m repeating myself because this matters. Since you’re saving all this moolah right now with virtual dating, don’t skimp out on spending some money to help set the mood for both of you. It shows her that you’re taking this zoom date seriously too. She’s doing her thing to set the mood in her apartment, but you should do something to set the mood for both of you. Send something small. Food delivery, flowers, a bottle of wine. Support local business right now (everyone’s gotta eat and we’re all still enjoying a cocktail) but sending something is thoughtful, it’s as if you’re bringing her a present every time you see her. I once dated a guy who always brought me a gift every time we went on a date. It was small, sometimes it was a package of fruit snacks and sometimes it was a bag of Cheetos but the point was that he never left his house empty-handed and that meant that he was thinking about me even as he was getting ready to meet up with me. He purposely made an effort to bring me something to show he cared. This reminded me of what my mother taught me as a little girl, never show up empty-handed. Plus after the 3rd or 4th time, I started buying him small gifts, and, of course, I gifted him crystals. And, it just so happens that when I had a gift for him, he didn’t bring one for me so it was an even sweeter moment for both of us to show how important the other person was in our lives without having to say anything. His gifts touched me, in the same way, I touched him with my gifts. It’s just thoughtful and considerate - something our generation lost along the way. If you do this - it will have a similar impact on her as it did on me. It wasn’t actually about the gift, but it was the gesture behind it.

  2. Pick an activity to do after the conversation so if it’s going well, you can suggest, “well I had this planned too in case our conversation slowed down….”  This shows thoughtfulness, attention to planning, effort, and more so, it shows that you are prepared. Just like she’s taking this seriously, you should too. You would plan a first date and now that things are virtual you should still be planning things MORE than just the date and time. The beauty about this is if the conversation just flows organically you A] ACED the date because you don't need to tap into your activity and B] you can mention, well I had this planned to do tonight as well but I’ve been enjoying this conversation so much that maybe we should save that for our second date….#SWOON. This woman will feel like you just came down from heaven. It’s the little things that stand out to women,  that’s what shows you care. More so, you’re now telling her you have ideas for your second zoom date and at the same time, that you want to zoom date with her again. All of that will be music to her ears. Just the effort of a little bit of preparedness will go a long way and you’ll look SOOOOO good in her eyes. If you need help with ideas - book my time on the AND, SWIPE RIGHT website and we’ll figure out the best strategy for you & her based on your interests.

Zoom doesn’t replace a real date but it’s a good qualifier to see if there’s chemistry. I wouldn’t be surprised if this part of Quarantined Dating sticks around after Quarantine because both people can meet quickly to see if it's worth BOTH of their time to meet up in person. Also, since this keeps it focused on an intellectual connection the chemistry will build so when you meet up there’s that much more excitement towards that first IRL date. ANDDDD you now know exactly who you’re looking for in-person, not searching for them in a bar. This will remove the awakenedness of first dates, blind dates, and dates with strangers you meet on a dating app. An unexpected benefit of quarantine and virtual Dating.

Curves & Kisses

We are swerving around these curves and blowing kisses as we go…

Curves - zoom dates and no follow-ups. I’ve had a couple of clients reach out and ask when should I expect to hear from him again because they had a great date and now he’s gone. Poof just disappeared. They had great dates but he’s nowhere to be found. Guys, even if you're not feeling the date afterward - TELL EACH OTHER! Just leaving the other person to figure it out on their own is cruel. You know how you felt and they can only judge how the date went based upon what you share with them. It’s inconsiderate to lead someone ok on a zoom date and then never to hear from you again. More importantly, in an in-person date, it’s a lot easier to gauge the person’s feelings for you and if there’s mutual attraction. That’s not the case with Zoom dating, when it’s online you are relying on the person to communicate their feelings and interest verbally. In other words, you have to trust that the other person is telling you the truth. When you tell someone you’re enjoying the date, or I wish this wasn’t a zoom date, or I really enjoyed this….DO NOT LIE. We are all old enough that we should not be people-pleasing anymore and that's especially true with dating but even more necessary with Zoom dating. I can’t believe I’m even having to say this because we’ve all been on the painful end of a ghosting experience. Don’t perpetuate the cycle, end it with yourself, and rise above that. Be kind to each other and if you’re not feeling a second date, send that in a text after the first date ends. DO NOT ghost the other person. It’s kind, to be honest, and to express your feelings also, it allows the other person closure to understand what went wrong instead of feeling personally rejected. Think about it - what you put out in your dating life will come back to you - it’s Karma. This is why I’m asking you to do better because ultimately you will find that same compassion coming back to you.

Kisses - And our Kiss this week goes out to AND, SWIPE RIGHT’s  4-week coaching program, appropriately titled - The High-Value Package. I only have 4 spots available for this month and we will be launching on Monday, May 4. This entails weekly zoom calls, unlimited texting support, a mindful dating strategy sessions where we get clear on your definition of love and what you’re looking for in your partnership, my personal favorite meditations to open your heart to love, self-love healing meditations, and even my favorite pranic healing meditations that I talked about in our Energy & Dating episode that is PERFECT to do right before a date. I’m also including some bonus goodies for your dating life Post Quarantine. This coaching package is my gift to you because instead of one off sessions where we work reactively discussing what’s happening in your world, this High-Value Package is a proactive approach to your dating life focusing on building up your self-love so you know exactly what that type of love feels like. We’ll clear out old dating patterns, reprogram new dating strategies, really hone in on your ideal partner and set you up with tools to succeed online ( aka zoom dates ) and then I’ll leave you with some gifts for IRL dating becaueeeeee we will be just wrapping up at the time this Quarantine should be lifted! 

You guys, I’m here for you and I’ve created this specifically with you in mind. If I had a month before getting back out there I would be booking time to make sure I capitalize on how to show up differently after Q. If this sounds like something you’re interested in - send me an email at the AND, SWIPE RIGHT website - that’s andswiperight.com - or DM our Instagram accounts @andswiperight or @datinghotlinepodcast and will give you more details on how this works. I’m excited for you guys to get back into the IRL dating world, no one knows what to expect once Q is lifted but our dating life will continue and this coaching program will put you in the right headspace to succeed going forward

Ok, that’s our show for this week - thank you for tuning in to Dating Hotline - presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT an online dating and dating & relationship consultancy. This is your host Chloé Miller. Thank you to our show music composer Andrew Langdon and our transition composer Nikolas Thorpe. If there's something you want to talk about in the future episodes, there's a link in the show notes where you can submit your stories. Otherwise, you guys, DM me your dating questions, email me your thoughts, and please, please, please tell all of your friends to listen. Don’t forget to leave us a review - we want 5 stars! Dating hotline releases new episodes every Wednesday at 11 am CENTRAL. Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review on Apple Podcast and follow us on Spotify. 

OUTRO

 
Chloé Miller, MA, LPC, MFTCComment