Ep 31: Dating Rotations

Dating Hotline, a podcast presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT

Dating Hotline

Ep. 31
Dating Rotations

SHOW NOTES

- DATING HOTLINE -
Ep 31: Dating Rotations

Host: Chloé Miller
Production: AND, SWIPE RIGHT INC.
Show Music: Andrew Langdon
Transition Music: Nikolas Thorpe

“Modern Dating aka rotation style dating - allows you to meet different people and date different types of personalities at the same time. You should be exploring the dating scene and following your romantic interests that lead you to your partner. And sometimes that partner isn’t who we thought we would end up with because they are better than what you thought you deserved."

-Chloé Miller
Founder, & CEO of AND, SWIPE RIGHT

 

EPISODE DESCRIPTION

In the thirtieth episode of Dating Hotline presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - Chloé explains how dating rotations are a major part of modern dating and she shares two lesser-known facts about how to successfully manage dating rotations. Plus, she answers two popular dating questions: Dating Hotline Question #1 - What are tips for managing a successful rotation? Dating Hotline Question #2 -  I used to be at the top of the rotation with the person I’m seeing but I can tell I’ve fallen in rank. What do I do?

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TRANSCRIPT

Dating Hotline Podcast
Ep 30: Hinge's Most Valuable Features

EP 30: My favorite features on Hinge 

Hi Dating Hotliners - Let’s talk dating rotations - we all have them and thank god for that because each person serves a different purpose. My rotation has included - the guy who takes me to the theater, the who takes me on vacation, the guy who brings me backstage for concerts, the guy who wines & dines me, and the guy who gets super meta with me and explores the spiritual side of life...each of these relationships served a different purpose. And while I just articulated superficial purposes, you can imagine how different the conversations were with each person. Through this style of casually dating multiple people I explored different types of partners and narrowed in on what I’m looking for in my ideal partnership. Rotation Dating is dating multiple people at the same time to explore a variety of partnerships to then focus in on the best connection. Rotational dating is modern dating. Today, I want to share some little known facts about the rotation dynamic in dating. Our first question shares tips on how to have a successful rotation and the second question explores a change in the rotation rank. Ya ready? Let’s go.
SHOW MUSIC

What’s up you guys? How’s it going? Welcome to the 31st episode of Dating Hotline, this is your host, Chloé Miller. Dating Hotline is presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - an online dating & relationship consultancy. AND SWIPE RIGHT provides support to singles throughout all stages of dating with services like Dating & Relationship Coaching, private consulting appointments, Personal Styling services, custom dating profiles and a texting service - AND, SWIPE RIGHT is setting a high-value standard in online dating by empowering single women and men with dating techniques.
Thank you for listening today and every week - Dating Hotline releases new episodes EVERY WEDNESDAY at 11 am Central Time. So go ahead and hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcast or Follow on Spotify that way you’ll automatically get our new episode every week. And you guys please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Your reviews help other people find Dating Hotline and then they listen to our show. Thank you for the 5-star rating! After you’ve left your review - send me a screenshot. I want to make sure to thank you appropriately. We post all of this information on the AND, SWIPE RIGHT website - Our show notes host links to the business & products we feature and other gems like our newsletter - check it out andswiperight.com
Rotations - rotations, rotations, rotations. Rotations - have gotten a bad rap and I don’t really understand why - EVERYONE has a rotation.
In an older dating era - circa PRE-COVID but more like pre-dating apps the dating concept was to find one person and put all your eggs in that basket. Heaven forbid you get the reputation of someone who gets around and dates many people. Well once the dating apps came onto the scene people changed that dynamic quickly and it was the birth of the dating rotation. 
A rotation is an imaginary list of the people you are seeing at any given moment - let me be clear - the list is imaginary, the people are real. This list of people are the people you would call on a friday night if your plans fell through and you were already dressed and ready to go. Different from your friends, your rotation is strictly people you see for romantic purposes. Most of the time it’s a casual relationship - less day-date activities and more hooking up and late night hangouts.  Hiii “U Up?” texts, your senders & receivers are the daters that have rotations. As I mentioned, rotations came onto the dating scene around the dawn of the dating app. When the gamification aspect of dating - the swiping to match, matching to meet, meeting to date concept was executed people realized it could be replicated in a much faster process and we could be going on more dates than ever. Instead of waiting to meet and connect with a stranger in real life, they were only a swipe away. So people started filling up their calendars with dates, thursday the popular date night was not the only night restaurants were booking up. But once you go on a first date with someone you have engaged in something that may or may not come to fruition but this is a started relationship and if you’re doing this multiple nights of the week you are literally dating multiple. Thus, you have just created your first rotation. Now you are seeing multiple people and how do you manage your now, very busy dating calendar? It takes effort and it’s all part of the game. YES, you should be expecting the person you are meeting on your date has their own rotation as well. EVERYONE has a rotation That is the norm in modern dating. As the relationship develops and things become more serious that’s when you have the conversation about exclusivity and monogamy. Modern Dating aka rotation style dating - allows you to meet different people and date different types of personalities at the same time. You should be exploring the dating scene and following your romantic interests that lead you to your partner. And sometimes that partner isn’t who we thought we would end up with because they are better than what you thought you deserved.


Dating Hotline Question #1 - What are tips for managing a successful rotation?

Rotations are fun and when they are managed well they can be the best part of the single life - a successful rotation is when people say they LOVE being single. Because you are free to come and go without explanation and furthermore you’re not attached to any one particular person. You feel like you’re on top of the world because you can successfully manage your dating life and your professional life - you are killing it. But how do you get to that point - you don’t just break up with someone, start your single life and then run a successful rotation. No it takes time, practice, effort, organization skills  just to name a few things but here are 5 things to keep in mind when building your rotation:
Keep it small - 3-4 people at most is best, When you get up to 5 or 6 people you are dating as a fulltime job. Just remember each person you date is someone thaat you will continue to see or it’s someone you will have to break up with. When your rotation gets too long everyone suffers. Keep it small, focus your attention on the prize, and enjoy it. A rotation should be fun - it soundn’t be stressing you out with how mucch work it is to keep it up. But at the same time, it takes work - don’t expect a cake walk. The chase is what makes it fun.  Don’t cookie cutter date - in other words, fill your rotation with different types of people - don’t date the same person in 3 different bodies. Fill your rotation up with people who spark different parts of your soul, people who engage with you on different passions, and explore life with new and different experiences so that you can see what you connect with and with whom you should spend your time.Remember details - remember things about each person and don’t mix up your dates - this is pretty self explanatory, pay attention to the people you are spending time with, if you remember details about one person and repeat it to them a couple weeks later, that makes the other person feel important and that’s major when it comes to dating. Your goal is not to juggle but to explore different people and learn about different approaches to life - find the approach you like and pick that person. This requires active listening. Relationship management - another advantage of the small rotation is that you can keep these people happier with regular communication and attention. A happy plant that gets water regularly thrives. Water your rotation with attention and one-on-one dates. Make them feel special, show them how fun time with you is and then leave right as things start to get steamy. High-value dating means you leave the other person wanting more.  Always Be Ranking  - set your rotation ranking and reevaluate it each week. Just because the order is 1234 this week doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way for long. Next week it could be 2431….actively review your ranking of your rotation and make sure each person has earned that spot because your ranking should help you decide how to manage and spend your time. Your rotation ranking should excite you - if you;’re not thrilled about anyone on your list - throw the whole thing out and start fresh. Those are all important factors when it comes to a dating rotation but the most important piece of a rotation is that you keep it quiet. Everyone has one but it’s not something you talk about on your dates. Please do not be telling your date where they rank in your rotation - that is part of the dating game. Figuring our where you rank in the rotation and then figuring out how you can move up into that number one spot.. It’s assumed we are seeing other people but talking about your other dates while on a date is a sure path to a bad date. 


Dating Hotline Question #2 -  I used to be at the top of the rotation with the person I’m seeing but I can tell I’ve fallen in rank. What do I do?


Move this person to the backburner. If they just downgraded you on their rotation you are not going to be investing more effort into this person. It sounds counterintuitive and it is, you would think hawking over the budding relationship would help to bring it together but in reality it’s suffocating and really leaves a bad taste in your partner's mouth. Instead if you pull back when you notice this you will be creating distance on your end that will result in actions from your partner that are so telling. You shouldn’t be having the conversation “i feel like you’re pulling away from me…” with someone you’re seeing - your boyfriend/girlfriend is a different story but with someone you’re dating it should be less verbal and more speaking through actions. So here’s what you do when your partner downgrades you: when you pull back from your partner they are left with two responses to your action - the first being: they notice your absence and they start missing you and that emotion will motivate them to reach out and make plans. Obviously this is the preferred action of the two because the other reaction is inaction. If you distance yourself from the person you’re seeing and they do not make an effort to get in touch with you those actions are clearly showing you their feelings. It’s painful and it sucks when this i the response you get after first noticing the downgrade because this is rejection but remember that this isn’t something that should blindside you - meaning, there were signals along the way that things weren’t going in the right direction. Instead of spending the time feeling sorry for yourself, spend the time analyzing the relationship and find where your culpability in the relationship is and learn how to show up differently in the next relationship. If this second reaction - innaction is the case - make sure to give it some time before reaching out and seeking the closure you need with a final conversation. I’m not encouraging a big breakup talk here but I do believe you are entitled to close the chapter. 
Think of this dynamic like a rubberband - the rubberband is the connection you have with your partner and you and your partner are on opposite sides of the rubberband. Your partner starts running in the opposite direction of you - if you run to chase them then you’ll be chasing them forever, but if you run in the opposite direction you two will inevitably be snapped back together. If the connection is as strong as you think it is it will snap you back together like the rubberband but if your connection is stronger on your side than it is on theirs, the rubberband may break.  
The point here is to recognize that you should never be running after someone who is running away from you. If they notice your absence and miss your presence then they will get in touch with you, if they don't then you know their true feelings and why would you want to spend time with someone who doesn’t value you for all that you have to offer. You’re an incredible person - don’t settle to be seen only partially. Find someone who will value and love every part of you. And remember my rubber band theory - it’s an AND, SWIPE RIGHT power move.
Curves & KissesWe are swerving around these Curves & blowing Kisses as we go
Curve - Our curve this week goes out to those who hate on rotations - rotations are not the enemy, in other words, don’t hate the player, hate the game. The person and their rotation are not the enemy, not knowing how to work with them is. Instead of feeling disempowered,  I want you to take a seat at the table that positions you to see someone’s rotation as a challenge to grow - how can you raise your relationship skills and catch their attention. Shifting your perspective to a positive place will make the chase more fun - it will inspire you to freshen up your partnership skills, how do you attract a partner and what can you do better? Remember you are constantly ranked when it comes to rotation dating so you should be evaluating your own relationship skills just as frequently as you are evaluating your rotation rankings. 
 Relationships fall apart for a variety of reasons but we can all learn from each relationship we experience. Analyze the time you shared with that person - pick out what works and find what didn’t and see how you can show up differently for your next relationship. Becoming conscious of your own dating habits is the only way we can grow and become better partners for future relationships. Plus when you move into conscious dating you have moved into mature dating - you enter into deeper, more meaningful relationships. 
Kiss - 
Our kiss this week goes out to every person who is dating through this pandemic. Take a moment and recognize your hard work and your effort to find love. It was hard to find a partner before COVID-19 and it’s even more challenging now as everything shifts online and health precautions are real - it’s a challenging dating environment but I want to dedicate this kiss to you because you are doing the best you can. You are navigating this pandemic the safest way you know how to while also continuing to live as normally as possible. No one know what tomorrow holds and for me, the the biggest lesson of COVID is to seize the day and live in the moment. I’m proud of you for keeping up the hard work of online dating and shifting to virtual dating -this pandemic is a rollercoaster but make sure you’re taking time to self-care and honoring yourself and you ability to navigate this stressful time.
Ok, that’s our show for this week - thank you for tuning in to Dating Hotline - presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - an online dating & relationship consultancy. This is your host Chloé Miller. Thank you to our music composer Andrew Langdon for our show music and to Nikolas Thorpe for composing our transition music. If there's something you want to talk about in the future episodes, there's a link in the show notes where you can submit your stories. Otherwise, you guys, DM me your dating questions, email me your thoughts, and please, please, please tell all of your friends to listen. Dating Hotline releases new episodes every Wednesday at 11 am CENTRAL. Please subscribe and leave us a review on Apple Podcast - we want 5 stars - and follow us on Spotify. 
OUTRO

 
Chloé Miller, MA, LPC, MFTCAND, SWIPE RIGHTComment