Ep 34: Hot Girl Summer Pro Tips
Dating Hotline, a podcast presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT
Dating Hotline
Ep. 34
Hot Girl Summer Pro Tips
SHOW NOTES
- DATING HOTLINE -
Ep 34: Hot Girl Summer Pro Tips
Host: Chloé Miller
Production: AND, SWIPE RIGHT INC.
Show Music: Andrew Langdon
Transition Music: Nikolas Thorpe
“First dates stemming from a dating app are NOT FIRST DATES.They are simply opportunities to see if you and this person could get along. The second date is the new first date. That means when you land a date from an app - you should be targeting quantity on the first date and quality on the second. In other words, go on plenty of first dates but be selective with who you accept a second date as that is the test of romantic potential."
-Chloé Miller
Founder, & CEO of AND, SWIPE RIGHT
EPISODE DESCRIPTION
In the 34th episode of Dating Hotline presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - Chloé shares 5 pro tips on how to make HOT GIRL SUMMER work for you. Now that dating in-person is back on, tune in to learn how you can elevate your dating game in life post-covid.
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TRANSCRIPT
Dating Hotline Podcast
EP 34: Hot Girl Summer Pro Tips
What up what up it’s ya girl back in the studio for some quality time. Today I will be discussing how to make HOT GIRL SUMMER or HOT GUY SUMMER work for you. What do I mean when I say ‘work for you’ I mean here are some pro tips on how to succeed with rotational dating especially when this summer’s rotation will be on steroids…. If you thought dating 3 people was hard, get ready to take your game up to the next level because we’re out here dating 6,7, and 8 different people at a time...If we learned anything from quarantine - it’s that people are either seriously coupled-up or that people are single af and ready to fuck. There is no in-between so you better choose wisely. Ya ready? Let’s go!
SHOW MUSIC
Ayyyoo Welcome to the 34th episode of Dating Hotline, this is your host, Chloé Miller. Dating Hotline is presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - an online dating & relationship consultancy supporting singles throughout all stages of dating with services like Dating & Relationship Coaching, private consulting appointments, custom dating profiles and dating therapy to help you heal your emotional wounds. AND, SWIPE RIGHT is setting a high-value standard in online dating by empowering single women and men with dating expertise.
Thank you for listening and since we’re not really on a production schedule at the moment- Follow us on Apple Podcast or Spotify. This way you won't miss an episode. If you’re a new listener you’ll quickly learn that I love reviews, this is when I ask you to leave one on Apple Podcast. Your review helps other people find our show.
Yes, yes, yes, we post all of this information including a transcript of what I say on the AND, SWIPE RIGHT website - Our show notes host links to the people, the business & the products we feature, and other gems like our newsletter - check it out andswiperight.com
So there’s a handful of things to cover before we dive into today’s episode.
First of all - thank you to EVERYONE who has left me a review. Obviously, some more than others make me feel especially good about what I’m putting out here for you but I have gotten some constructive feedback and I appreciate that too. It’s come to my attention that I say “YOU GUYS” a lot and I appreciate the accountability. So this is my conscious effort to curb that habit. Also, someone thought my idea of a driving date was gawking at wealthy people by lurking around their homes and I want to address that as well. If that is what you got out of my episode then I encourage you to go back and listen to the other information I shared in that episode. I specifically said - the driving route doesn’t matter because what matters is the time you’re spending with your date and the connection yo9u’re building through conversation. This is true for all dates - If the date is going well the activity doesn’t matter. That said, thank you all for the 5-star reviews, and thank you for the reviews with less stars, I appreciate all feedback.
Ok, so a serious question I get all the time - what does dating look like after covid? Either very committed to your partner from before covid or very very single. So think of this summer as having the same energy as someone fresh off a breakup. There is so much momentum behind connecting people will be making up for lost time. That is why I am here gifting you these pro-tips on how to make this your Hot Girl Summer and capitalize on this quarantine break-up energy.
Think of this summer as a collective hot of a breakup energy. You know how magnetic you are right after you break up - literally everyone wants you….yeah that’s the current dating environment. We’ve never been more ready to mingle….but before you learn how to elevate your dating life, remember these two rules, #1 -GO OUT ON DATES (if you’re not then you’re not dating) and #2 - DON’T TEXT YOUR EX.
So let’s dive into this. Here are 5 tips on how to enjoy hot girl summer post-quarantine
Hot Girl Summer Pro Tip #1. Take Notes After Your Dates.
The number of dates you will be going on this summer is more than you’ve been on in the last 15 months. So, in order to help yourself keep your conversations straight, take notes after your date. This doesn’t have to be extensive, think short bullet points of things you talked about so that you can go back and reference them before your next date. Your engagement and showing that you paid attention will create a lasting impression.
A rookie mistake of dating multiple people is not keeping your dates straight and bringing up something from a different date. Oh yeah, those moments are uncomfortable and can be tricky to navigate if you find yourself here. Avoid this at all costs, I repeat, avoid this awkward situation by creating some sort of dating tracker so you don’t have to only rely on your memory. Use the notes section of your phone so you can reference it on the uber to the date.
#2. Double Book First Dates.
These should be short so double booking is totally doable. What is double booking? Booking two dates on the same day. For a weekend it could be coffee at 11 and then a drink at 4 pm, and for weeknight, this could look like happy hour drinks followed by a dinner date at 8:30 pm. The key to making this successful is keeping track of the time but that responsibility actually works in your favor. Ladies, enforcing a boundary such as time management and upholding your commitment to other “things” shows character and also makes your date want to see you again. They got a sampling of you but now they want more. If the conversation went well, you’ll get a call for a second date.
So when you leave to meet up with your date, don’t forget to set an alarm so you can exit gracefully and move on to your next date. If it’s going well, cut it off. That builds desire. Don’t forget cutting it off when it’s peaking is actually better than riding the slope down. Leave your date wanting more by ending the night when things could easily go on for a couple more hours…This is your summer dating strategy - don’t waste your time on one date per day - maximize this opportunity to meet people and learn how to get the most out of your calendar.
PRO TIP - first dates stemming from a dating app are NOT FIRST DATES. They are simply opportunities to see if you and this person could get along. The second date is the new first date. That means when you land a date from an app - you should be targeting quantity on the first date and quality on the second. In other words, go on plenty of first dates but be selective with who you accept a second date as that is the test of romantic potential.
Hot Girl Summer Pro Tip #3. Use nicknames with your friends and emojis in your contacts.
Let’s start with the nicknames - of course, you’re going to be talking about your dates with your friends, and using their real name is what a lot of people do but there’s value to using nicknames.
If you plan to have a Hot Girl Summer, you can’t get attached to your dates. The more you say his name the more emotionally attached you’ll become to this person - and then daydreaming comes in hot. You start to think about what your life together would look like, where your wedding would be, and the names of your future children...um hold the mother fucking phone. Do you even know this guy’s middle name? No. So rein it back in and come back to Earth.
Give him a nickname so when you talk about him with your friends, you’re not building an emotional attachment to this person, you’re building an emotional attachment to words.
Creating an alias for each of the guys you date helps to keep you emotionally detached - using his name every time you talk about him will build an emotional connection with him. If you nickname him, you build that connection with a nickname, and that generally is more appropriate for casual dating. Let me be clear - this is not a nickname you will share with your date - this is only used when you chat with the girls. Some of the nicknames I’ve used with my friends include Mr. Grey, Mr. Dreamy, Mr. Right, and for my long-distance loves Boston, Chicago, Florida, Palm Springs...it helps you and your friends keep track of all of the different people you each are dating. I promise you this will help you manage your emotions as you date multiple people.
Hot Girl Summer is all about Non-Attachment. Hahaha, yes I’m weaving mindfulness into this Hot Girl Summer. Boys will come and go and summer is time to install a revolving door on your dating life. When one leaves, another one comes in. And if you need to scrap your roster and start over - that’s ok too!
Now let’s talk about emojis. Using emojis in your contacts is for your convenience - The emojis tag your contacts and categorizes where you met them. I have a couple of different emojis I use for different purposes. This helps for so many reasons but specifically, it immediately tells you where you met them, assisting your brain with content recollection -- it associates a memory with the person which serves as a trigger every time you see their name. This will help you keep track of your dates, your conversations, and which date you like, and where you found them. Also - you can use different emojis to tag which dating apps you met the person on thus giving you empirical evidence to see which dating app is most effective at introducing you to people you enjoy. Different dating apps have different dating pools - this will help you track which dating app introduces you to the dates you enjoy.
A.] Pro tip -don’t use hearts but instead use code emojis. Let me tell you a story to explain this one. I once dated this German guy who grew up in Hong Kong. I love Hong Kong so we instantly connected and when we exchanged numbers I added an emoji to his name like I always do. So this one time I happened to be sitting next to him as he opened an email from me and I experienced what was almost an incredibly embarrassing experience. He saw his name and asked me what is that behind my name…. since we both had iPhones his name displayed his contact the way it was saved in my phone…fortunately the emoji I chose was the hong kong flag…..THANK GOD I didn’t choose a heart, the fire emoji, or even an eggplant. I curved that awkward moment by explaining that I chose the Hong Kong flag cuz it reminded me of his Hong Kong accent (which is actually incredibly sexy).
SO LESSON LEARNED - iPhones share contact displays so maybe think twice before putting an eggplant or a peach behind the person’s name. My go-to - is an emoji that relates to where/how I met them. For example, my improv friends all have a clapper board behind their name (the board that claps before the director says action), my grad school friends have the therapist coach behind their name, the friends I made on clubhouse have a waving hand, and my dates from apps have a different emoji than the guys that I go on dates with from meeting in person. Find a system that works for you but when you start juggling more than 4 people, you will thank yourself for the organizational system you created.
Hot Girl Summer Pro Tip #4 Pick Up Your Dating Game!
You think you know what you’re doing but no one does anymore. It’s post-covid dating and there are absolutely no rules anymore. Standards yes, rules no. Have fun but if you want a really spicy summer sign up for a new activity. Make it a new hobby, a social club, a volunteer opportunity - whatever you want, you choose, but this serves two purposes.
The first - it’s warming up your social skills but more specifically sharpening your “meeting a stranger “ and “making new friends” skills. When you think about social skills there's a variety to analyze. For example, social skills with people we know vs social skills with strangers. Signing up for a new activity will refine your “meeting a stranger” skills which will help your dating skills.
The second reason is that it will make you more interesting and you’ll have more to discuss on your dates. Growing your social network is always valuable but a single person who is busy and involved in activities that make them happy is magnetic. Passion is attractive and dating someone who is involved in activities and organizations they are passionate about is such a turn-on.
Look for something that serves multiple purposes - for example when I signed up for improv I was doing it because I was building a modeling resume but I also saw the value of refining social skills in a comedic format - the positive ripple was sizable. It was way outside of my comfort zone, but I did it anyway. I quickly recognized how important comedy is to me and how much I discovered about myself. More importantly, my quality of life improved substantially because I showed up differently in all of my social situations. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Improv improved my dating skills and I can't recommend it highly enough.
The bottom line, pick up your dating game by getting involved in something new - you’ll be more interesting, you’ll practice meeting new people, you’ll have a new place to find dates in real life, and you’ll have new places to take your date. Everyone has been home for 15 months so now’s the time when everyone will be getting out and signing up for new activities and new things - it’s the perfect time to reinvent and to meet new people.
Hot Girl Summer Pro Tip #5 Learn how to turn people down.
What's a hot girl summer without high standards and what are high standards without rejection? Here’s how you make rejection your best friend: Keep the focus on you, express the incongruence, and deliver it with confidence. Lastly and most importantly, state the facts and then be done. Don’t frame the conversation as if it’s this is a discussion. You already made up your mind, now you’re just sharing information. If you’re setting it up for a discussion that’s when breaks up get messy. Keep it short and simple. For example - When he says “want to do dinner on Saturday?” says “hey, thanks for the meeting for drinks the other night. I’m not feeling a connection between us romantically. I think it’s best if we don’t.” Letting someone know that you’re not feeling them romantically is one the of best things you could do because now this person won’t waste their time on a dead-end relationship. Mature dating is about open conversation and you’re not going to connect with every person you go out with. Have respect for yourself and the other person by expressing your feelings with authenticity and composure.
The key to making this work - don’t bullshit your reason. It’s about you not them so really understand your objection before vocalizing your reason. For example - if your date is interested in getting serious and you’re not, your reason is not that they want a relationship, your reason is that you are feeling suffocated by the idea of a relationship and there’s no reason to continue down this path knowing the different destinations each of you are working towards. Breakups are so delicate and the goal is be to as harmless as possible but chances are you will be emotionally hurting someone if you are breaking up with your partner. The delivery is the most important part - I help my clients finesse their breakups. A breakup is damaging enough, don’t add extra trauma to the person. Besides, dating karma is real - what you do to your date today will come back to you from a partner in your future. Think about how you would like someone to handle this with you if you were on the receiving end and then bring that compassion to your breakup
Here are some ground rules for breakups -
A break up after a first date - text is ok
A breakup with someone you’re sleeping with must be done in person or over the phone. If you’ve seen them naked - don’t do it over text, that’s just cold.
So this summer, I want you to date by your own rules - enforce your boundaries, speak up, voice your opinion, get your needs met, bring compassion and love to your relationship and have fun.
Curves & Kisses
Curve - Our curve this week goes out to using your dating profile from pre-covid. No no no no, those pictures are at least 15 months old, and who is that same person they were before covid? I’m not asking you to do a major production overhaul, I’m just asking you to redo your dating profile, completely. Doing this will help you realize how many new pictures you need and that should inspire you to get those taken ASAP.
Don’t be a covid catfish. Don’t lure people in with an old dating profile. Update it with current pictures so your date won’t feel like she swiped right on you pre-covid but got you post-quarantine.
Kiss - This week’s kiss goes to running into our friends on the street. Since the world is open again - THANK GOD! - people are out and about mingling and meeting. Don’t make the mistake of running to the coffee shop for a cup of coffee in your pajamas. It never fails - you will either run into someone you know or you’ll find yourself interacting with someone dreamy and regretting how you look in that moment and possibly even miss the opportunity to give him your number cuz you’re not feeling yourself in that moment. When you start your day get excited about waking up as a hot girl and let that energy carry you through your day. You might be surprised how magnetic that makes you.
Ok, that’s our show for this week - thank you for tuning in to Dating Hotline - presented by AND, SWIPE RIGHT - an online dating & relationship consultancy. This is your host Chloé Miller. Thank you to our music composer Andrew Langdon for our show music and to Nikolas Thorpe for composing our transition music. If there's something you want to talk about in the future episodes, there's a link in the show notes where you can submit your stories. Otherwise, you guys, DM me your dating questions, email me your thoughts, and please, please, please tell all of your friends to listen. Dating Hotline releases new episodes randomly. Please subscribe and leave us a review on Apple Podcast - we want 5 stars - and follow us on Spotify.
OUTRO